Subject: RotSoaps: Deadly Business, Part I

"Every exit is an entrance some place else." (Tom Stoppard)
Deadly Business, Part I
Written by Pam Purdy (GPurdy3507@aol.com)

FADE IN:

1. EXT. LAUREL FALLS - DAY

CAMERA OPENS on PHILLIP, sprawled on his back on a rocky ledge beside the
waterfall. His eyes are closed, and his face is sweating under the blazing
sunlight that streams through the trees. He wears khaki shorts and a polo
shirt. An empty liter of bottled water lies next to one outstretched hand.
Suddenly WE HEAR flapping and cawing, as if crows have been startled from
their perches. PHILLIP opens one eye, gropes for the bottle, holds it to his
lips, finds it empty, and flings it away. Fighting a colossal hangover, he
pushes himself into a sitting position. After a long, thirsty look at the
cascading water, he struggles to his feet and staggers to a clump of trees.
ANGLE ON his legs as he sheds his clothes behind the trees, makes his way to
the edge of the ledge, and dives into the water. CLOSE SHOT of the rocky ledge.

2. EXT. ABANDONED HIGH-RISE - DAY

CLOSE SHOT of the window ledge as HOLLY hammers the spike into the wood with
a scrap of metal. She stops after a couple of tentative blows. CAMERA PULLS
BACK to show HOLLY, in the window, and MALLOY, hanging onto his climbing
ropes about a floor below her.

MALLOY: Again. Hit it harder.
HOLLY: Wait a minute. If you get up here, how are we going to get down?
MALLOY: It's easy. I'll show you.

Bracing his feet against the side of the building, he slides down half a floor.

HOLLY: I can't do that.
MALLOY (climbing back up): Sure you can. It's called rappelling. I'll help you.
HOLLY: No. I'm afraid of heights. Too many bad things have happened to me in
high places. You go for the rescue squad. Get me a hook and ladder or a
cherry picker or an elevator repairman.
MALLOY: I can't go, Holly. I can't leave you here as a sitting duck for that
homicidal maniac Brent Lawrence.
HOLLY (suspicious): How do you know about him?

ANGLE ON MALLOY as he clings to his climbing ropes and mulls this over.

3. INT. CAVERN - DAY

CAMERA OPENS ON STACEY, halfway up the rocky chimney above the pool, as she
sets another spike in the rocks, clips her rope to it with a ring, and hauls
herself up another couple of feet. CAMERA PULLS BACK to show MARCUS and J,
standing on the boulders that surround the pool and looking up at STACEY in
the chimney.

MARCUS: Just like mountain climbing.
STACEY: Caving is mountain climbing in reverse. Except when you're trying to
get out.
J: Well, hurry up and *get* out, before Abby...Oh God! Poor Abby. Buried
under rubble. And she can't even call for help.
STACEY: I'm climbing as fast as I can. You don't want me to slip and fall
into the pool, do you? Heaven knows how deep it is.
MARCUS: Abby's probably okay, man. She was behind the cave-in.
J: What the hell did we bring her for? We must have been crazy. 

4. EXT. LAUREL FALLS - DAY

As BLAKE, wearing white shorts and an oversized shirt, wanders out of the
trees into the clearing beside the waterfall, WE HEAR a rustling in the
bushes. BLAKE jumps a foot and clutches her heart. Then she catches a
glimpse of something we can't see and relaxes.

BLAKE: Oh, it's you. You scared the pants off me, Mr. Squirrel. I thought
you were a pack of wild dogs or something. Hey, I don't suppose you made a
anonymous phone call to the _Journal_, did you? (To herself:) I'm talking to
squirrels now. I must be nuts.

As she continues into the clearing, she stumbles over the bottle Phillip
threw away.

BLAKE: Damn litterbugs!

She picks up the bottle, looks around for a trash container, and, not seeing
one, stuffs the bottle into an oversized shoulder bag. Then she takes out a
cell phone and flips it open.

BLAKE (muttering as she punches in a number): Damn woods, damn squirrels,
damn tipsters! Fletch? It's me.

SPLIT SCREEN:

5. INT. FLETCHER'S OFFICE AT THE JOURNAL - DAY

FLETCHER is sitting behind his desk keyboarding a story on his computer. He
grips the telephone receiver between his cheek and his shoulder.

FLETCHER: What's doing, kiddo?
BLAKE: Nothing's doing, unless you count one squirrel and more crows than
you can shake a stick at. Maybe *they* conspired to give Mrs. Popov a
suitcase full of cash.
FLETCHER: You haven't seen anybody?
BLAKE: Not a living soul.
FLETCHER: Did you find the waterfall?
BLAKE: I'm there now, and I only got lost five or six times. I hate the
woods. I flunked out of Campfire Girls.
FLETCHER: Okay. It's probably a prank. Give it another ten minutes, then
head on home.
BLAKE: Okay, Chief.
FLETCHER: Don't call me--
BLAKE: Look, could you do me a favor? I can't reach Grandma on this thing.
She's way over on the other side of town now. Could you give her a call and
see if Mom's turned up yet?
FLETCHER (stops typing): Holly is missing?
BLAKE: Not missing. Just...we don't know where. If I had anybody else to ask--
FLETCHER (worried): I'll check it out and get back to you. (Hangs up.)

GO TO ONE SCREEN:

6. EXT. LAUREL FALLS - DAY

BLAKE puts her phone away and wanders over to the ledge that overlooks the
waterfall. She undoes a couple of buttons and "fans" herself with her shirt.
WE HEAR rustling in the bushes again. She turns toward the clearing and
peers into the trees.

BLAKE: Hello? (Waits, but there's answer.) Probably squirrels again. Damn,
it's hot! (Wiping the sweat from her chest): This is a wild goose chase.
(Looking back at the waterfall): Why not?

Her mind made up, she strides into the trees. ANGLE ON her legs as she sheds
her clothes. Then she walks rapidly out of the frame, and soon WE HEAR a
splash as she plunges into the water. A moment later, ZACHARY reaches into
the frame and snatches up her shorts and underwear. POV SHOT as he walks to
another point among the trees and steals Phillip's shirt and underwear. He
giggles.

7. EXT. ABANDONED HIGH-RISE - DAY

MALLOY still dangles from his climbing rope as HOLLY leans out of the window.

HOLLY: Well? I'm waiting. I mean, it's a pretty funny coincidence that you
just happened  the climb the same building I'm stuck on the top floor of.
MALLOY: It's not a coincidence. Your mother called WSPR looking for you.
Then a woman called and said you'd been kidnapped by Brent Lawrence, who I
never heard of. But plenty other people at the station know who he is. And
this woman told me--
HOLLY: What woman?
MALLOY: She wouldn't give her name. But she had a Southern accent you could
cut with a knife. She said you were trapped here, and I should come alone
and be quick about it, or this Lawrence guy might hurt you. Look, could we
save the explanations for some time when I'm not hanging four floors above
the ground?
HOLLY (dithering): I don't know who to--
MALLOY: Hit the spike again. Hit it harder.
HOLLY: No! I'm not coming down. You climb down and get help.
MALLOY: Damn it, Holly, I'm losing my grip here. (Dusting his hands with
chalk): For all we know that lunatic could descend on you at any minute.

HOLLY looks fearfully over her shoulder, then back at MALLOY, also fearfully.

HOLLY (to herself): Oh God, could Malloy really be trying to kill me? What
if Brent was telling the truth?
MALLOY: What are you muttering about? Come on, Holly, get a move on.
HOLLY (to herself): I always trust the wrong man. So does that mean I
shouldn't trust Malloy, or I shouldn't trust Brent?

Suddenly MALLOY does lose his grip and slips several feet before catching
himself.

HOLLY: Are you all right?
MALLOY: For the moment. What the hell is your problem?
HOLLY: I... (She makes up her mind.) No problem. (She raises the scrap of
metal and prepares to pound the spike.)
ELENI (off): Hey! You there!

ANGLE ON  ELENI, with MARINA squeezing her hand, as they stand on the
sidewalk below the abandoned high-rise.

ELENI: You can't just climb a building. You could fall and hurt somebody.
HOLLY (calling out): Eleni? Is that you?
ELENI: Holly! What on earth are you doing up there?

8. EXT. LAUREL FALLS - DAY

CAMERA SHOOTING PAST a naked BLAKE as she stands under the waterfall. All of
a sudden, with a tremendous splash, a naked PHILLIP rises up out the water
right in front of her. She screams. He gasps.

BLAKE & PHILLIP: What are you doing here?
BLAKE (clasping her arms over her breasts): Stop staring at me.
PHILLIP: Stop staring at *me*.
BLAKE: I can't see anything.
PHILLIP: I've seen it all before.
BLAKE: That was different.
PHILLIP: That was when we were married.
BLAKE: We're not married now.
PHILLIP: That God for small favors.
BLAKE: That goes double for me, Mister.
PHILLIP: (stares at her inadequately covered breasts and grins).
BLAKE: A gentleman would turn around.
PHILLIP: A lady wouldn't be running around naked.
BLAKE: I thought I was alone.
PHILLIP: So did I.
BLAKE: Well, you're not, so turn around, damn it.

She reaches out to make him turn, realizes her breasts are exposed again,
quickly wraps her arms around herself, and fumes.

PHILLIP: You're more...Rubenesque than I remembered.
BLAKE (outraged): Rubenesque? What the hell does that mean? That you'd
prefer some skinny little stick thing?
PHILLIP: I like a woman with meat on her bones.
BLAKE: Don't you dare say anything about my meat. I mean, my bones. I mean,
how would you like me to make remarks about your attributes?
PHILLIP: Remark away. (Turns in a slow circle.)
BLAKE: Have you been working out?
PHILLIP: I bench-press three Spauldings before breakfast.
BLAKE: (Laughs in spite of herself.)
PHILLIP: That's better. One thing I do remember. You were never a prude.
BLAKE: Certainly not.
PHILLIP: You always liked to strut your stuff.
BLAKE: Well, I wouldn't say--
PHILLIP: You liked to strut your stuff for me. And for my father. And for my
brother.
BLAKE: (is getting madder by the moment).
PHILLIP: And for my uncle. And for Gary Swanson.

She begins to pommel his chest with her fists. He puts both hands on her
shoulders and pushes her down under the water. She drags him down with her.
We can't see them any more, but we do see plenty of thrashing and splashing.
Abruptly, it stops. A moment passes. The water smoothes out. Then BLAKE and
PHILLIP, locked in an embrace, shoot up out of the pool. They break apart.
They gape at one another. The waterfall rains down on them.

BLAKE: I don't even like you.
PHILLIP: What's "like" got to do with it?

They throw their arms around one another and tumble sideways behind the
waterfall

9. EXT. ABANDONED HIGH-RISE - DAY

MALLOY swings out from the side of the building and back again. As his foot
strikes the bricks, a small chunk breaks off and falls to the sidewalk.
ELENI pulls MARINA out of the way. Then FRANK comes hurrying toward them.

FRANK: I came as quick as I could.
ELENI (repressively): It's not about me. (Pointing upward): It's about that.
FRANK (craning his neck, spots MALLOY): Hey! What are you doing?
MALLOY: Just hanging around.
FRANK: You can't do that. It's against the law.
HOLLY: I'm up here, Frank.
FRANK: Holly!
HOLLY: And I can't get down.
FRANK: You take it easy. I'll call the rescue squad. (Starts off).
ELENI (grabbing his arm): No, Frank, wait! (Lets go of his arm as if
scalded.) You haven't heard the worst part yet. She was kidnapped and
brought here by helicopter and just left here in this awful condemned
building with no way to get down.
FRANK: Kidnapped? Who did it?
ELENI: That's the worst part. It was Brent Lawrence.
FRANK: Brent Lawrence. Oh my God!

MARINA bursts out crying. ELENI kneels down and hugs her. The two of them
look up at FRANK with tears in their eyes.

FRANK: Don't cry, honey. (Kneels down.) I'll take care of you. (Embraces them.)

10. EXT. LAUREL FALLS - DAY

ANGLE ON the rocky ledge. WE HEAR a single crow caw loudly. Then one of
BLAKE's bare feet steps up onto the ledge.

BLAKE: Give me a boost, damn it!

The second foot comes into the frame. BLAKE starts to walk away.

PHILLIP (off): Give me a hand, damn it!

She turns around, braces herself, and heaves. Now two pairs of feet are
interlaced. BLAKE stands on tiptoe. A pause, and then WE HEAR a cough.
CLOSEUP of BLAKE and PHILLIP as they break their kiss and look in the
direction of the cough. POV SHOT of ABBY, torn between embarrassment and
anxiety. PHILLIP starts to pull away. ABBY covers her eyes with one hand but
peeks through her fingers. BLAKE clasps PHILLIP tighter, in order to cover
herself. ABBY lowers her hand and begins to sign rapidly.

BLAKE: I don't understand. Let me put some clothes on first. (Pantomimes
pulling a shirt over her hand): Clothes. On.
PHILLIP: Where *are* your clothes?
BLAKE (pointing): Over here.
PHILLIP: Mine are over there.
BLAKE: We'll get mine first.

Still embracing, they sidle toward the trees. ABBY turns her face away and
covers her eyes with both hands. BLAKE and PHILLIP disappear behind the
trees, where we can just catch glimpses of them. BLAKE bends down. PHILLIP
hurries to the spot where he left his clothes.

BLAKE: Where are my shorts? Did you take my shorts, Phillip?
PHILLIP: Of course not. Don't be an idiot. Hey! Where's my shirt? What the hell!

ABBY looks up and signs in their direction, but no one appears, and she
can't hear them continuing to bitch and moan about their lost clothing. She
looks all around, desperately in search of inspiration. Then an idea strikes
her. CAMERA FOLLOWS her to the ledge, where she picks up a stone and begins
to scratch out a drawing on the surface of the flat rocks. Just as she
finishes, BLAKE and PHILLIP approach, she in her oversized shirt, he in his
shorts. BLAKE continues to use the charades method of communication.

BLAKE (giving an elaborate shrug): What is it, Abby? (Raising her hands in
horror): Is something wrong?
PHILLIP: What's she drawing there?

They hunker down beside her and study the drawing, which shows a tunnel
leading into a cavern where three stick figures are standing.

BLAKE: Did somebody fall into a hole?

ABBY shakes her head, points to one of the stick figures, and inscribes a
large J over its head.

PHILLIP: Is that J?
ABBY: (nods emphatically).
BLAKE: J and Stacey, I'll bet. Who's that? (Points to the third figure.)
ABBY: (draws dreadlocks on its head).
PHILLIP: Marcus?
ABBY: (nods).
BLAKE: Marcus and J and Stacey are in trouble. Is that it?
ABBY: (nods).
PHILLIP: What happened to them?

ABBY looks around, scoops up a handful of pebbles, and drops them on the
stick figures.
	
11. EXT. CAVERN - DAY

A clearing in the woods at the top of the rock chimney that leads down into
the cavern. STACEY and MARCUS have already climbed out and are looking down
into the chimney.

STACEY: Be careful. Don't want to start another rock slide.
J (off): Give me a hand.

MARCUS and STACEY reach down into the chimney and haul J out.

J (unclipping himself from the climbing rope): Come on. Let's go get her.
Let's go get Abby.

Just as they start out across the clearing, QUINT and NOLA emerge from the
trees.

STACEY: Mom! Dad! What are you doing here?
QUINT: Chasing your mother all over the woods trying to find that blasted
tunnel.
NOLA (scratching her leg): I think I have poison ivy.
J: We got stuck, and we had to climb out, but--
NOLA (scratching the other leg): I *know* I have poison--
J: But Abby's still trapped down there.
QUINT (looking into the chimney): Down here?
NOLA: Oh my God! I knew--
MARCUS: No, sir. In the tunnel.
NOLA: --something terrible would happen if--
STACEY: There was a cave-in. Which shouldn't--
NOLA: --you kids went caving all by yourselves.
QUINT: That shouldn't happen in a natural cave.
STACEY: Exactly. Which makes me think--
J: For cripe's sake, will you all stop yammering and help me go get--
NOLA: Abby should be our first order of business. Now, children, do you--
STACEY: Don't call us--
NOLA: --know how to find the entrance to the tunnel from here?
J: Of course we--
QUINT: That's good, because you mother certainly has no idea where--
NOLA: Abby, Quinton, concentrate on Abby. Your kids go round to the entrance
and start digging her out from there. Your father and I will descend into
the cavern--
STACEY: That's not a good idea, Mom.
NOLA: --and start digging her out from this end.
MARCUS: Mrs. C., I'm not sure you should--
NOLA: Give me your harness, J. Marcus, you give yours to Mr.--
J (unbuckling his harness): It's a long, hard climb, Mom.
NOLA: Anthony James! Do I look like a cream puff to you?
QUINT: Maybe just once you should listen--
NOLA (to J): Give me your gear and skedaddle. Just think of poor Abby
totally helpless down there.

12. EXT. TUNNEL - DAY

With ABBY in the lead, BLAKE  and PHILLIP come hurrying out of the woods
toward the entrance to the tunnel. BLAKE is flipping her cell phone shut.

BLAKE: How can the rescue squad be busy?
PHILLIP: This isn't Chicago. They probably can't handle more than one--
BLAKE: But we have a *real* emergency. I'll bet anything they have some old
lady whose cat got stuck up a tree.
ABBY: (gestures toward the entrance of the tunnel).
PHILLIP: We see it, Abby. (Bends down and looks in.) Pretty close quarters.
BLAKE: Well, if the rescue squad is busy, then it's up to us to save them.
ABBY: (makes a move to enter the tunnel).
PHILLIP: No, Abby, not you. I'll do it.
BLAKE: We'll both do it. I'll go first. (Bends over, remembers she's wearing
only a shirt, and quickly straightens up again. To Phillip): You go first.

ABBY detains them and signs that they are not equipped for caving. They
don't get it. So she hands her helmet and kneepads to BLAKE, and gives
PHILLIP the flashlight from her caver's backpack. PHILLIP crawls into the
tunnel. BLAKE follows, much concerned with pulling her shirt down over her
fanny. ABBY stoops and looks in after them. POV SHOT shows their lights
receding farther and farther into the distance until they disappear around a
bend.

ABBY straightens up and looks around the clearing, at a loss for what to do. 

13. EXT. CLEARING AROUND THE TUNNEL - DAY

ANGLE ON the woods opposite the entrance to the tunnel. ABBY doesn't react,
but WE HEAR footsteps crunching dry leaves.

J (off): It's right over here.
STACEY (off): I know. Just past that crooked beech tree.

MARCUS, J, and STACEY run out of the woods. ABBY is amazed and delighted to
see them. J seizes her in his arms and spins her around.

J: Abby! Thank God! I thought I'd lost you. How did you--

ABBY disentangles herself and begins to sign rapidly.

MARCUS: What's she saying?
J (signing): Slow down, Abby. I can't follow when you go so fast. She's
spelling out names. Go slower. B-L-A-K-E. Blake.
STACEY: What about Blake?
ABBY: (signs).
J: She went into the tunnel with P-H-I-L-L-I-P.
MARCUS: Phillip. Phillip and Blake went into the tunnel. Why?
J (reading Abby's signs): They went in to rescue us. Abby thought we were
trapped in the cave.
STACEY: Do Phillip and Blake know anything about caving?
MARCUS: I doubt it.
STACEY: And what were they doing here, anyway?
J (translating): She says...it's a long story. Well, whatever. Let's go get
'em out before--
STACEY: Hold up a minute. I want to check something out first. (She studies
the mouth of the tunnel.) I thought so. This isn't a natural tunnel.
MARCUS: What difference does that make?
J: Natural caves are formed over millions of years.
STACEY: So they don't usually cave in. The biggest problem in your natural
caves--
J: Is mud and bats and piles of bat guano.
MARCUS: Bat guano? Oh, you mean--
STACEY: But manmade tunnels can be very unstable. Which is why we all
shouldn't just rush back in here. I'll go in and lead them out again.
J: No, I'll go.
STACEY: No. I'm still equipped, and you two aren't. You stay here with Abby,
and Marcus will go for the rescue squad.

ABBY signs for them to wait, retrieves Blake's cell phone from the bag she
left behind, hands it to Marcus, and signs some more.

J: She says an old lady got her cat stuck in a tree.
STACEY: What? Never mind. You call for help. Marcus. And no matter what
happens, don't any of you come in after me. It's too risky.

CAMERA FOLLOWS STACEY as she crawls into the tunnel.

14. INT. TUNNEL - DAY

Lit by flashlight and head lamp, BLAKE and PHILLIP are creeping through the
tunnel.

BLAKE: It stinks in here.
PHILLIP: Probably bat guano.
BLAKE: Bat...*guano*? I hate bats.
PHILLIP: Have you ever seen a bat?
BLAKE: No, but I know I'd hate them. What makes you think--
PHILLIP: I read once there's a lot of-- Ow!
BLAKE (clutching the back of his shorts): Is it a bat?
PHILLIP: It's a rock. A sharp rock. At least you have kneepads.
BLAKE: At least you have pants.
PHILLIP: Short pants.
BLAKE: Oh, this was such a stupid idea of yours! Bats. Rocks. Stinky old guano.
PHILLIP: Quit bitching and keep crawling.
BLAKE (tugging his shorts): Wait. I know! Let's gives them a shout.
PHILLIP: That's not a good--
BLAKE (shouting as loud as she can): J! Stacey! Marcus!

WE HEAR a rumbling in the rocks. BLAKE and PHILLIP freeze in their tracks. A
shower of rocks falls behind them, cutting off their exit.

PHILLIP: Not a good idea.

15. INT. CAVERN - DAY

NOLA and QUINT hang from the climbing rope over the pool, which is ringed by
boulders. She is almost at the bottom of the rope. He is halfway down. Both
are outfitted in the caving gear they took from Marcus and J.

QUINT: What's it look like?
NOLA: Like a cavern. A big cavern. I can't see much. You're blocking the sun.
QUINT: What 'til I get the flashlight out of my--
NOLA: No, I can feel I'm almost at the bottom. I'll just drop down and--
QUINT: That's not a good--

NOLA lets go of the rope and tumbles in the pool with a big splash.

QUINT: Nola! Nola, what happened? Oh, why do you have to be so-- Hold on,
I'm coming.

He slides down the rope until he's just above the pool, pulls out his
flashlight, and shines it on NOLA, who is floundering chest-deep in muddy water.

NOLA: It's not deep. Just wet. And muddy. But I hit my foot on something.
Let me see what--
QUINT: You just stay right where you are, young, lady, and wait for me.

He swings back and forth until his momentum carries him over the boulders,
where he drops down. Meantime she bends over and fishes around under the water.

QUINT: What are you doing?
NOLA: Trying to find what I stepped on. This is a natural spring. I can feel
the water rushing in from an underground stream. Got you! (Pulls out a
bottle with a cork in it.)
QUINT: What is it? (Shining his light on the bottle): A souvenir wine bottle
some drunk threw off the Fifth Street Pier?
NOLA: Maybe. (Wading toward him): Maybe not. Help me out.
QUINT (holding out his hand): Don't pull me in now.
NOLA: Would I do that?

With a mighty heave, he pulls her up beside him. For a moment, they teeter
on the edge of the pool. He steps back and pulls her close. Their lips are
almost touching.

NOLA: I'm getting you all wet.
QUINT: Nola...
NOLA: Think about poor Abby.
QUINT: Nola, I want--
NOLA (pulling away): I want to see what's in this bottle. Give me some light

He shines his flashlight on the bottle, and we see that there is a piece of
paper in it.

QUINT: A message in a bottle. Good grief! Isn't it just like you to find--
NOLA: Hold the light steady.

She uncorks the bottle and pulls out the paper. He trains his flashlight on it.

QUINT: Oh my ears and whiskers! It's--
NOLA: A treasure map.

They stare at one another.

BLAKE (off): Help! Help!

16. INT. TUNNEL - DAY

PHILLIP is lying on top of BLAKE in the cramped space between the two rock
slides.

BLAKE: Help! Hel--
PHILLIP (clamping his hand over her mouth): For Pete's sake, hush up! That's
how we got in this fix in the first place.
BLAKE (shaking off his hand): You're scrunching me.
PHILLIP: I'm trying to keep the rocks from falling on you, actually.
BLAKE: Fine, swell. They'll fall on you, and I'll really be crushed.
(Squirming): I hope you don't think you can take advantage of this situation.
PHILLIP: Oh sure. Nothing gets me going like the thought of being buried alive.
BLAKE: It's been known to happen. Sex in the trenches.
PHILLIP: In the movies, maybe. What is it with you, Blake? Waterfalls.
Tunnels. Can't we just fall into bed like normal people?
BLAKE: In your dreams, Mister.
PHILLIP: I don't remember having to twist your arm at Laurel Falls.
BLAKE: That was...
PHILLIP: Yes?
BLAKE: Just a thing we did.
PHILLIP: Oh.
BLAKE: Tomorrow I'll have forgotten all about it.
PHILLIP: If there is a tomorrow.
BLAKE: I knew you'd say that. I knew you'd say we might not live much
longer, and so we might just as well--
PHILLIP: Blake.
BLAKE: What?
PHILLIP: Shut up.
BLAKE (not very loud): Help!
PHILLIP: (kisses her).
BLAKE (softly): Help.

They kiss passionately, only to break off as they hear STACEY approach,
behind them.

STACEY (off): Blake? Phillip? You guys okay in there?
BLAKE (unenthusiastically): We're saved.
QUINT (off, from the opposite direction): Abby, is that you?
NOLA (off): She can't hear you, silly.
PHILLIP: We're saved twice over.
BLAKE: I wonder how long it will take them to dig us out?

The look they give one another mixes relief, disappointment, and quite a lot
of lust.

17. EXT. BAUER PATIO - DAY

ED and ROSS, both wearing "Kiss the Cook" aprons, are preparing the grill
for the Labor Day cookout. During the following exchange, they crumple
newspaper into balls, pour in the charcoal, and spread it around on top of
the paper.

ROSS: And then what happened?
ED: Squeeze the paper tighter, or it'll open up, and flaming bits of paper
will fly all over everywhere.
ROSS: Did they dig them out?
ED: Not exactly. While Marcus was trying to reach the rescue squad--
ROSS: Which was off saving Holly--
ED: A park ranger came along and read them the riot act. Seems like every
weekend city folks go up to Laurel Falls and wreck their canoes in the white
water or get stranded climbing the cliffs or stuck in the caves.
ROSS: So the ranger--
ED: And his people dug them out. Yes. Now you pour in the charcoal, and I'll
spread it around. There's a best way to do it. Just watch the master at work.
ROSS: I'm all eyes, Edward. Speaking of which, I wish I'd been a fly on the
wall when Blake and Phillip were stuck in that tunnel. They can't stand one
another.
ED: Blake says the bats bothered her most.
ROSS: There were bats?
ED: No, but she thought there might be. Notice how each piece of charcoal is
perfectly placed for maximum heat spread.
ROSS: That would be a good thing if we had something to heat up. This could
be our first barbecue without Bauer Burgers.
ED: Yeah, I wonder what happened to--
BUZZ (off): Here I come to save the day.

CAMERA PULLS BACK to show BUZZ zigzagging across the patio with a cardboard
carton on his shoulder.

BUZZ: It looks like the Buzz Man is on his way. (Plunking down the carton):
And I got a case of corn in the car, plus a box of veggie burgers for
Michelle. What do they put in those things, anyway?
ROSS: Soy beans, maybe? I was starting to think you'd landed in the pokey again.
BUZZ: Reva says thank you for bailing me out. My wife thanks you, my
father-in-law thanks you, and I thank you. (Kisses ROSS on the lips.)
ROSS: Hey!
BUZZ (tugging at ROSS's apron): Just following instructions. Reva says I
deserved to spend a night in the hoosegow for letting that crazy old coot
talk me into raiding the Spaulding mansion.
ED: What the Sam Hill were you doing there? (Flicks a lighter and holds it
to the paper.)
BUZZ: Trying to catch Roger with his hands in the cookie jar. Don't you need
starter fluid?
ED: Self-starting charcoal. Last time I used starter fluid, Rick dribbled it
all over the patio, and we almost set Mo on fire.
ROSS: Did Alex decide to press charges?
BUZZ: She says she doesn't have time to waste going to court against the
village idiots. What I'd like to do is take that brother of hers to court
for letting those empty buildings fall to pieces on Fifth Street. Holly
could have been killed.
ED (unpacking the hamburger meat on a picnic table): Anything new on Brent
Lawrence?
BUZZ: Not a peep. I told Frank the cops didn't have any problem catching me
and Hawk, but they let that lunatic waltz out of the nuthouse, dye his hair,
and pass himself off as a preacher for months.
ROSS (at the table, chopping up onions): You don't think...Brent had
something to do with Lucy's disappearance?
BUZZ: God, I hope not.
ED: Alan-Michael thinks so.
ROSS: He's just desperate for any kind of news about Lucy.
BUZZ: Well, I know one thing--she didn't run off with that Zachary geek, no
matter what Mrs. Popov says. Guy looked like a chorus boy or a waiter in a
coffeehouse or something. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
ROSS: Is this enough onions?
ED: Not by a long shot.
BUZZ: You know, I was driving back from the wholesale food market and
wondering about Brent and when are we ever going to find Lucy, and it
flashed on me that last year this time was the first time I met Marian Crane.
ED: Last year this time, Holly found out she was pregnant.
ROSS: Blake and I were trying to start a family.
BUZZ: And Reva was declared legally dead.

18. INT. LOBELLE'S DRESSING ROOM - DAY

Lobelle's is a discount clothing store for women at the Springfield Mall.
Its dressing room is a large open space with no cubicles or curtains, just
wooden benches lining the walls and hooks to hang clothes on. LOLA sits on a
stool by the door and hands each shopper a plastic tag that corresponds to
the number of items she brings into the room. LOLA is supposed to be on
guard against shoplifters, but she's perusing the help-wanted ads in the
classified section of the _Springfield Journal_. REVA, VAN, and HOLLY have
stripped to their slips and trying on clothes.

VAN: This time last year, Bridget and I told Roger he'd never see Peter
again unless he gave up Dinah. What an fool I was, thinking I could move
people around like they were so many dolls in my doll house.
REVA: Now Roger's sitting pretty at Spaulding, and Alan's spitting nails.
HOLLY: Roger also had a pretty good idea about turning Dinah into Nixie the
Pixie. At first I thought it was a typical Roger revenge trip, but we've
moved up one slot in the ratings. We're beating the pants off the shopping
channel.
VAN: Holly, do you mind if I say something to you?
HOLLY: About Dinah?
VAN: No. About that dress. It doesn't do anything for you.
REVA: You should wear red more.
HOLLY: With this hair? I don't think so.
REVA: Well, white then. Or gold. Those are good colors.
VAN: Those are good colors for *you*, Reva. Holly needs... (Looks over her
outfits and pulls a turquoise pants suit off a hook.) Try this one.
HOLLY: It's awfully...bright. I had my colors done once. They said I was autumn.
REVA: You *are* autumn, but you don't have to dress like your days are
dwindling down to a precious few.
VAN: You're dating now, aren't you? Didn't I see you at the Springfield Inn
with your new anchor man? He's very...
REVA: "Babelicious" is the word you're looking for.
HOLLY (struggling into the pants suit): We're not dating. We're just...going
out together sometimes. I'm not sure if I want to get serious with him.
REVA: Are you kidding?
HOLLY: Looks aren't everything. (Bunching up her slip and tucking it into
the pants): I hate trying on clothes.
VAN: I hate trying on clothes in this place. Usually there's some
23-year-old standing next to me complaining that a size four is too big for
her and asking her girlfriend to bring her a size two.
REVA (stripping off a red evening gown and preening in a mirror): I'm happy
with my body. And don't you dare say, "You and half the men in this town."
VAN: We wouldn't dream of it. I wish I were 23 again.
HOLLY: I was a mess when I was 23. I like being fortysomething. I just wish
I didn't keep making the same mistakes over and over.
REVA: If there's one thing I've learned, it's don't keep secrets. They'll
jump up and bite you in the butt every time. (Looks at her watch.) Yikes!
We're going to miss the barbecue if we don't hurry.

They start flinging on casual clothes.

VAN: What are you taking, Reva? I'm taking this and this. 
REVA: I'm taking everything. (Defensively): They're on sale. Designer duds
for bargain-basement prices.
VAN: How about you, Holly?
HOLLY: (shakes her head).
REVA (reproachfully): Holly!
HOLLY: Maybe I'll come back later. I hate picking out clothes.

Taking their selections, they return their tags and unwanted items to LOLA,
who carelessly hangs them on a rack. Once the dressing room is empty, LOLA
resumes her stool and draws big circles around particular want ads. She pays
no attention to HOPE as she enters, wearing dark glasses and a floppy straw hat.

HOPE: Excuse me.
LOLA: (sighs deeply. Looks up.) Yeah?
HOPE: Is this where I try things on?

19. INT. BILL'S BEDROOM - DAY

Bill's bedroom features a computer, a CD player, a large poster of Cathy
Ireland in a bathing suit, and a Smashing Pumpkins poster. There's a pile of
discarded clothes in the middle of the floor. BILL and BEN sit cross-legged
on the bed. BEN is going through a stack of CDs and dividing them into two
piles. BILL is leafing through a Cerebus comic. They both wear oversized
shorts and fashionably nerdy-looking short-sleeved shirts.

BEN: You tried it? For real?
BILL: I tried it once, that's all.
BEN: You're crazy. What was it like?
BILL: It was beyond great, dude. Which is why I'll never try it again.
BEN (ironically): Say no to drugs, man.
BILL: Yeah. Right.
BEN: I found this old T-shirt once, in the back of Dad's closet. Know what
it said?
BILL: "Tune in, turn on, drop out"?
BEN: It said, "I'm high on life."
BILL: Jeez! (Sticks his finger in his mouth and makes gagging noises.)
BEN: You think they did it, man? Your dad and my dad? When they were, like,
hippies and stuff? You think they got high?
BILL: I don't know about your dad, but my dad could find his drug of choice
in every barroom in the world. You know what I hate? The "when I was your
age" speech.
BEN: I hate it when they try to act like they're cool.
BILL (with an exaggerated accent): Totally cool.
BEN: Yeah, like, Dad said "awesome" yesterday. I brought him a cup of
coffee, and he said it was awesome.
BILL: They haven't got a clue.
BEN: Yeah, well, as long as you only did it once, I guess you're not going
to OD or anything. (Picking up one of the piles of CDs): Can I tape these ones?
BILL: Sure. Just don't take my _Natural Born Killers_ soundtrack. I play
that all the time.
BEN (rising): Ready to have your cheek pinched?
BILL (rising): Yeah, and to hear how tall I'm getting. Let's not stay long.
BEN: We'll just scarf down some burgers and go.
BILL: Yeah, but, about what I was telling you...
BEN: Lips are sealed, dude.
BILL: No, what I mean is, Michelle tried it too.

CLOSEUP of BEN, who is horrified.

20. EXT. BAUER PATIO - NIGHT

The barbecue is over. ED is cleaning the grill. RICK is filling a trash bag
with the remains of food on paper plates; he has another bag for soda and
beer cans. BARBARA and LILLIAN bustle back and forth between the patio and
the house, taking leftovers back inside.

ED: I'll get that later, Lil.
LILLIAN: It's no trouble.
BARBARA (to LILLIAN): Men always say they'll get it later. (They exit.)
ED: So what's the deal with you and Blake?
RICK: No deal. Just buddies.
ED: She was hanging onto you like she was a backpack.
RICK: She was hiding behind me, Dad. She's still uncomfortable being in the
same place with Ross.
ED: I think those two might get back together if everybody just left them alone.
RICK: If "everybody" means me, you've got nothing to worry about.
ED: I suppose it's too late to tell you I think of Blake as your sister.
RICK: Way too late, Dad. But what happened between us, that was just a
one-time thing.
ED: A one-time thing with major repercussions.
RICK: Look, if I could change it, I would. But I can't. We have to go on
from where we are now.
ED: I don't know. Today I got the feeling she'd like to revisit the scene of
the crime.
RICK (distinctly): She was hiding from Ross. And from Phillip.
ED: What's the deal with those two?
RICK: Search me. Every time they get together, they act like two cats in a
sack. I guess neither one of them can get past the forged check fiasco.
LILLIAN (reentering): Barbara says she doesn't mind doing the dishes.

Subject: RotSoaps: Deadly Business, Part II

ED: What dishes?
LILLIAN: There are always dishes, Ed. (Sniffing a platter): How long has
this potato salad been out here?
ED: Since...three?
LILLIAN: Better throw it away. (Exits with platter.)
RICK: Since we're playing 20 Questions, what gives with you and Aunt Kathy?
ED: Nothing "gives," Frederick.
RICK: She's just a permanent house guest?
ED: Three months isn't permanent.
RICK: More like four.
ED: She can't live at the boardinghouse. She and Bea don't get along.
RICK: There's a lot of nice big apartments she could rent cheap on Fifth Street.
ED: Like Blake has?
RICK: Don't start that--
ED: Look, here's my key question. Who are you taking to the party?
RICK: What party?
ED: Don't play dumb. Alan's engagement party. What else is anybody talking
about?
RICK: I shall go stag. I shall spread my wealth of attractions among all the
women of Springfield.
ED: You shall go stag because you're not dating. You shall go stag because
you're so busy playing Mary Worth to Blake.
RICK: Now look--
BARBARA (entering): Lil says to tell you she's going to freeze all the
leftover hamburgers.
ED: I can do--
BARBARA: She doesn't mind. (Sniffing a dish): This slaw smells off.
RICK (to ED): Who are you taking?
ED: (looks sheepish).
RICK: I thought so. You can't go home again, Dad. Kathy isn't Mo.
ED: I know that.
BARBARA: Don't worry. I throw it away.

CAMERA FOLLOWS BARBARA as she exits into the kitchen.

21. INT. BAUER KITCHEN - NIGHT

CAMERA FOLLOWS BARBARA as she enters the kitchen with the dish. LILLIAN is
at the counter putting hamburger patties into sandwich bags. CLAIRE and
KATHY are seated at the kitchen table deep in conversation. They pay no
attention to LILLIAN and BARBARA, who regard them from time to time with
curiosity and seem to be whispering remarks about them.

BARBARA (to LILLIAN): I'm not sure about this slaw.
LILLIAN: Better toss it. (In a sinister tone): Mayonnaise.
BARBARA (scraping the slaw into the garbage, likewise sinister): Mayonnaise.
KATHY: I still say it's my fault.
CLAIRE: And I say it's mine.
KATHY: No, Michelle was weirding out a long time before you showed up here.
CLAIRE: All I know is, every time I come over, she suddenly has "work" to do
in her room.
KATHY: She's just like that. It's the age. Plus, she wants me to be Maureen,
and I'm not.
CLAIRE: Did you get that a lot? I mean, when Mo was living.
KATHY: Oh, yeah, sure. I was always the screw-up. Then I ran off with Chick.
That was the topper. I thought I was so...hip. Living in this cold-water
flat in San Francisco with a band that thought they were going to be the
next big thing, hanging black-light posters, rolling reefer around in a shoe
box to separate the seeds. I thought I was so cool, but I was just a jerk. I
dropped off the face of the earth for five years. Thought my folks would see
me on TV sometime, shaking my tambourine. Then I woke up one day and
realized Chick was just like my father. All he ever wanted me to do was go
for coffee.
CLAIRE: Or reefer.
KATHY: Yeah, and if he called me "my old lady" one more time, I was gonna
deck him.
CLAIRE: So you dropped back in again.
KATHY: Got a job as a Kelly Girl, put myself through law school, finally
called the family to let them know I was still alive.
CLAIRE: See, that's the difference between you and me. I'm a perpetual
screw-up. I'm the world's oldest teenager. Everybody thinks it's Dick Clark,
but it's me. Every time I get something going--a job, a relationship,
whatever--I find a way to blow it. I'm a doctor, for God's sake, but I
haven't practiced in years. Now I'm blowing the mom thing.
KATHY: You got to give her time. Michelle. She'll be starting her senior
year tomorrow. She's facing SATs, the whole college selection number.
CLAIRE: And she probably has a mad crush on somebody.
KATHY: You think so? I can't tell.
CLAIRE: She's almost 17. If it's not some local guy, it's Brad Pitt.
KATHY: Or Daniel Day-Lewis.
CLAIRE: I've got a crush on him myself. See? I'll always be a teenager.
BARBARA: Kathy, excuse me. Where does Ed keep the dishwasher soap?
KATHY: Damn if I know.
LILLIAN (to BARBARA): Miss Snip. Thinks she's better than the rest of us.

22. INT. HARLEY'S OFFICE - DAY

ALAN-MICHAEL and HARLEY are moving furniture and equipment into her new
office in a Fifth Street storefront, catty-corner to the Childcare Center
and across the street from Gates of Dawn Reality. Furniture and cartons are
strewn around the room. OPEN on a CLOSE SHOT of HARLEY's hand as she
prepares to flip a coin.

HARLEY: Heads I win, tails you lose.
A-M: Hey! Wait a--
HARLEY: It's heads. So we put the desk opposite the door.

HARLEY starts to tug a battered desk toward the back wall. ALAN-MICHAEL
lends a hand.

A-M: If you sit with your back to the window, you'll have a lot more light.
HARLEY: Ever hear of aces and eights? That was the hand Wild Bill Hickok was
holding when he was gunned down. And why? Because he sat with his back to
the door. This is a detective agency, cookie. I gotta be braced for trouble.
A-M: So when Brent Lawrence comes prancing in here, you'll have a whole five
extra seconds to get ready for him.
HARLEY: I wish he would prance. I'd show him some of the moves I learned at
the police academy. And then I'd pin him down and--
A-M: Ask him what happened to Lucy.
HARLEY: Yeah. Hand me the desk lamp, will you?
A-M (digging in out of a carton): I raised holy hell at the clinic. Talked
to a Dr. Kinder. He's in charge now, but he wasn't when they turned that
maniac loose. His company fired the old director.
HARLEY (looking for an electric socket): What for?
A-M: Who knows? Kinder gave me a bureaucratic run-around. But I mentioned
law suit, and I mentioned I'm a Spaulding.
HARLEY (turning on the light): Works like a charm. Thanks for letting me
have all this stuff from the sub-basement of Spaulding Enterprises.
Sometimes it pays to be a Spaulding.
A-M (unpacking a computer): Mostly it doesn't. Between Aunt Alex and my
father, I feel like I'm the rope in a tug-of-war. Not to mention the
engagement party from hell.
HARLEY: Am I invited?
A-M: Do you want to be? Wouldn't you rather be captured by terrorists and
have your fingernails pulled out one by one?
HARLEY (helping him set up the computer): How many times has your father
been married, anyway?
A-M: Let's see...Elizabeth. Jackie. Mom. Reva--they were annulled. He
married her while she was unconscious.
HARLEY: Much the best way. Which one was Amanda's mother, Elizabeth or Jackie?
A-M: No, that was Jennifer Richards. I don't think they ever made it legal,
kind of like him and Rita.
HARLEY: Rita?
A-M: Finding out about him and Rita, that was the straw that broke my
mother's back. It's my guess that's why she doesn't come back here, because
she never wants to lay eyes him again. But how can I be sure? I only talk to
her on Christmas and the High Holy Days, and half the time she's out when I
call. It's supposed to be a secret, but she drinks a bit.
HARLEY: I'm sorry.
A-M: They all leave sooner or later.
HARLEY: I'm really sorry, Alan-Michael.
A-M: It's okay. Who am I to complain? Your mom and dad both deserted you.
HARLEY: But they made up for it later.
A-M: Still, your life hasn't exactly been a bed of roses.
HARLEY (plugging in various components): You mean Mallet? I really thought,
after we survived him being paralyzed, we could get past anything. But
sometimes people are thrown together because of their work. If I could have
gotten a cop job in Florida...But after we started working separately, there
just wasn't that bond any more. He had his friends. I had mine. Then it
turned out he was a lot closer to one of his friends than I ever imagined.
A-M: Like Lucy and Zachary.
HARLEY: You don't believe that.
A-M: I'm starting to. I'd rather believe that than think Brent got her. If
you ever do see him, Harley, don't be a hero. I'm still not sure I like you
working down here.
HARLEY: I'm right across the street from Eleni's childcare center, and Dad
and Reva are just a couple of blocks away. Hey, pass me that desk chair, and
let's count the women Alan was engaged to that he didn't marry. There was my
mother.
A-M (pushing the chair over): And Vanessa. And Tangie. Well, sort of.
HARLEY: Tangie?
A-M: You don't want to know. I'd forgotten Mallet used to be paralyzed. Have
you ever talked to Bridget?
HARLEY: No. What we went through was nothing like as bad as she's facing.
>From what I hear, Hart will never walk again.

23. INT. BOARDINGHOUSE KITCHEN - DAY

PETEY is seated at the breakfast table with HART, in his wheelchair. BRIDGET
puts plates of ham and scrambled eggs in front of them, takes a chair, and
begins cutting up HART's ham.

PETEY (cutting his ham): When is Daddy gonna be old enough to use a knife,
Mommy?
HART: (looks frustrated).
BRIDGET: One day soon. He's taking lessons at the hospital. (Starts feeding
HART his scrambled eggs.)
PETEY: But first he has to learn to feed himself, right? That's what I did.
First I used a spoon, then I used a fork, now I can use a knife.
BRIDGET: That's right. One thing at a time. He'll get there.
HART: (shakes off a forkful of eggs, which fall on the floor).
PETEY: You spilled. I don't spill any more. (Reaching for a glass of orange
juice): See?
BRIDGET (absently): That's my big boy. You have to eat, Hart.
HART: (shakes his head).
BRIDGET: You have to build up your strength.
HART: (angry, presses his lips tight together).
PETEY: You're doing it wrong, Mommy. Watch me. (Spearing a forkful of eggs
and offering it to Hart): Here comes the airplane. Open up the hangar.
HART: (hesitates, then opens his mouth and accepts the eggs).
PETEY: See? That's how you got to do it.
BRIDGET (turning her head to hide her tears): That's great, Munchkin.

WE HEAR a knock on the back door.

BRIDGET (with forced cheerfulness): I'll get it. You keep feeding Daddy.
(Opens the door to ROGER.)
ROGER: Hi, Bridget? How's everybody doing?
BRIDGET: (is too choked up to speak).
ROGER (softly): What's wrong?
BRIDGET: I can't get him to eat. Petey's helping.
ROGER: This is too much for you.
BRIDGET: No.
ROGER: Laura and I have to do more.
BRIDGET (whispering urgently): No. Don't you get it? I chased Hart from here
to Hotzplotz. What kind of woman would I be if, now that I've got him, I
didn't like the terms?
ROGER: Not a superwoman, just a human being. (Hugging her shoulders): Look,
Bridget, I'm on top of the world now. I own a TV station. I'm the president
of Spaulding Enterprises--
BRIDGET (sarcastically): You're married to the woman of your dreams.
ROGER (smiling): That's the spirit. In my situation, I can do a lot for my
whole family, and, by God, I'm going to do it. No one can stop me now.

24. INT. LEWIS OIL - DAY

VANESSA is seated behind her desk, with ROSS standing beside her. H.B. has a
chair in front of the desk. JOSH is making a presentation. He holds a pile
of papers, and he's standing where the others can all see him easily.

JOSH: So the bottom line is, the shares that Roger, Alex, and Nick hold
among them are equal to the shares that Alan-Michael and Amanda can muster up.
VAN: Counting Hope's proxy.
JOSH: Right. You can see the figures. (Begins handing a paper to each person.)
ROSS: So it all depends on which way my nephew decides to jump.
H.B.: I reckon Phillip will come down on the same side as Alexandra, if
they're as close as they used to be.
VAN: Maybe not. He doesn't trust Roger as far as he can throw him.
JOSH: None of them do, except maybe Alex, and I'm not sure about her. S...My
informant thinks she only used him to reshuffle the stock and get the board
to vote them back into power.
H.B.: Because the board would rather have her and Roger in the top spots
than have to referee between those two whippersnappers, Phillip and
Alan-Michael.
ROSS: Phillip says Alex was just trying to stop Alan and his children from
tearing the family apart.
H.B.: Better not underestimate Alexandra. I knew Brandon Spaulding like I
know the back of my hand. He was one ruthless old alligator. I see a lot of
her daddy in Alex.
VAN: The point is, whoever gets Phillip to side with them will have the
muscle to control the board. But in the meantime--
JOSH: Their clients are nervous.
ROSS: And their subsidiaries are in disarray.
H.B.: So this just might be the right moment for a shark to swallow a whale.
VAN (pressing a button on her intercom): Wanda, would you come in here a
moment, please?
JOSH: Be careful, Vanessa. We gotta play this one close to our vests.
VAN: I'm on top of it.

WANDA enters, carrying a steno pad and pen.

WANDA: You wanted me, Ms. Chamberlain?
VAN: What was the name of that Spaulding client, felt us out about making a
change?
WANDA: DKL Pharmaceuticals.
VAN: (makes a note).
H.B.: Drugs? What in tarnation does Lewis Oil have to do with drugs?
JOSH: A lot more than we used to, Daddy. One of our partners down in
Venezuela, they're in oil, but they're also in cotton, sugar, rice, coffee,
cocoa, even tobacco.
VAN: They have plantations all over Latin America. That's how they got into
the drug business, through the back door.
JOSH: Because some of their holdings overlap the rain forests.
WANDA: It's real exciting, H.B. Some folks think we're going to find the
cure for cancer in a toadstool or a flower or even a weed down there.
H.B.: Sounds mighty iffy to me.
WANDA: No, it's the God's honest truth. I saw a movie about it. Sean Connery--
VAN: DKL Pharmaceuticals, Wanda. Have you been able to get me a rundown on
them yet?
WANDA: I put Bill on it. Wait a sec. (Exits.)
H.B.: Why isn't my grandson in school?
ROSS: Because he's taking his senior year in high school as his freshman
year in college.
VAN: It's a new program at Springfield High that Ross found out about.
ROSS: Gives a bright kid a running start.
VAN: So I guess he doesn't have morning classes today.
H.B. (cagey): Uh huh. Well, ain't he lucky he's got you to watch out after
him, Ross?

BILL enters, dressed for business and carrying a computer disk.

BILL: Wanda says you're looking for the lowdown on DKL. It's all on here.
They're based in Switzerland, and they're humongous, Mom. I think we should
knock ourselves out to get their business. They're the real deal.

25. INT. DINER - DAY

ALAN is seated at the counter with a cup of coffee in front of him. BUZZ is
behind the counter filling salt shakers.

ALAN: So what do you say, Buzz? Is it a deal?
BUZZ (sniffing Alan's cup): You spike this? Got a shorty of Jack in your pocket?
ALAN: Very amusing. I came here to talk turkey with you.
BUZZ: More like small potatoes. You got one square block of Fifth Street
that's not fit to live in.
ALAN: It could be. It could be a key element in this Fifth Street
Renaissance I hear so much about. It could be a neighborhood park with a
playground for Eleni's childcare center.
BUZZ: Not fit to live in and costs too much to tear down. It's a threat to
the public safety.
ALAN: Where did you get that phrase--third-grade civics handbook?
BUZZ: I got it from Kathy Reardon at the Bauer barbecue. She says we can
haul your butt up before City Council, force you to fish or cut bait.
ALAN: What a colorful metaphor! Not original, but colorful. Well, I've got
one for you, Buzz. You can't get blood out of a--

The kitchen door swings open with a bang, and HAWK storms into the room.

HAWK: Who took all my salt? Oh, it's you. What the ding dong dell are you
doing here, Spaulding?
ALAN: Trying to help you son-in-law understand it's in his best interest to
persuade the Neighborhood Redevelopment Committee to buy the 900-block of
Fifth Street back from me.
HAWK: In your best interest, don't you mean, Spaulding, so as you don't have
to beg for scraps from the Duchess and the Dodger.
BUZZ: That property ought to be condemned. Then you ought to be forced to
tear it down. Kathy says we can make you.
ALAN: Well, I'm sorry, Buzz, but when you get your legal advice at parties,
you get what you pay for. I bought that block with a loan from a fund that
the city set up to rehab this area. If I default on my repayments, the
property reverts to them. Which means it will sit there like an eyesore 'til
our granddaughters are old ladies. If it doesn't fall down on top of them first.
REVA (off): Are you sure about that, Alan?

Reva, in slacks and a shirt, with a gadget bag slung over her shoulder, has
just entered the diner by the front door.

REVA: Because I had a little chat with Holly the other day. (Crosses to Buzz
and kisses him.) Hi, honey.
BUZZ (kissing her back): Hi, gorgeous. Take any hot shots today?
REVA: Nothing as hot as the shot I got of Holly being carried down the hook
and ladder by the rescue squad. Holly can sue the shirt off your back, Alan.
HAWK: He's already buck naked.
ALAN: Holly was trespassing.
BUZZ: She was kidnapped!
ALAN: Not by me. Keep in mind, Buzz, if I hadn't lost millions of dollars
getting my son and your daughter back from Brent Lawrence, I'd be a lot more
liquid today.
BUZZ: (looks thoughtful).
HAWK: Seems to me like you're plenty liquid. Seems to me like you're peeing
your pants to get your hands on some cold hard cash before Roger the Dodger
picks you clean.

26. INT. SE PRESIDENT'S OFFICE - DAY

ROGER is ensconced behind the president's desk. LEO is wandering around the
room surveying the knickknacks.

LEO: Pretty sweet setup you've got here, Roger. (Picking up an oriental
vase): How much you think we could get for this tchotchka?
ROGER: Leo, Leo, Leo. We're in the big leagues now. Stop thinking like a
small timer.
LEO (putting down the vase and approaching the desk): So did you fix it? Can
I be the corporate counsel?
ROGER: That all depends, doesn't it? Can you deliver on your end?
LEO: You mean Wanda? She's all over me like flies on sugar.
ROGER: Please! Spare me the sordid details. I'm not interested in your love
life.
LEO: Not as interested as I am in yours. What's it like? Do you and Alex
actually--
ROGER: Stick to the point. What about Wanda? Did you get her to come across yet?
LEO: I thought you didn't want to--
ROGER: With the inside scoop on Lewis Oil, Leo.
LEO: It's not that easy. (Surveying the knickknacks again): She can talk to
me all night about poor Vanessa and poor Matt and about poor Ross and poor
Blake and about poor Josh and poor--
ROGER: Listen up, Leo. If I want Liz Smith, I'll buy out her contract. What
I want from you is the inside dope on Lewis acquisitions.
LEO: Have a heart, Roger. I can't nuzzle Wanda's neck and whisper, "Is it
true Lewis is expanding into pharmaceuticals?"
ROGER: But that's exactly what you'll have to do, *if* you really want to be
our corporate counsel. Maybe you're not hungry enough.
LEO: I'm hungry. (Examining a gold cigarette box): I'm very hungry. I--

After a light tap on the door, GILLY enters, carrying a binder, and crosses
to Roger's desk.

GILLY: Here are the press clippings you asked for. (Hands ROGER the binder.)
Hi, Leo.
LEO (putting down the gold box with a guilty start): Hello, Gilly. You look
very pretty today.
GILLY: So do you.
LEO: (is taken aback).
GILLY: You're a lawyer, Leo, and this is 1996. The days when you could make
personal remarks to your female colleagues are long gone.
ROGER (flipping through the pages in the binder): Give it to me in 25 words
or less.
GILLY: The _Wall Street Journal_ says you and Alex are the best thing to
happen to Spaulding since the invention of the wheel. The others are a
little more enthusiastic. And Lou Rukeyser's assistant got back to me. They
want you for a guest shot on _Wall $treet Week_.
ROGER: That's great work, Gilly.
GILLY: Stick with me, and I'll make you a star.
ROGER: Likewise, Gilly, likewise.
LEO: Wow! _Wall $treet Week_. What'll you wear?

27. INT. H.B.'S HOUSE - DAY

H.B. and SUSAN PIPER are standing in the middle of the still-unfurnished
living room of a sunny, cozy little house. She holds a contract on a clipboard.

H.B.: I'd rather buy a hundred oil leases than go through one more real
estate closing.
SUSAN: It's all over but the shouting, H.B. (Hands him a pen.) But I still
wish you'd let me show you that place up by the country club. Much more your
style.
H.B.: When you know me better, darlin', you'll realize that golf is not my
game. (Signing the contract): I like having Company right across the street.
That way I can have breakfast there every morning if I want. Bea Reardon
cooks a Western omelet like you wouldn't believe.
SUSAN: Didn't I hear tell you were engaged to her once?
H.B.: Was I? I don't think so. Henry was, but not me. Where'd you hear that
from?
SUSAN: Oh, just another client. Can't remember who.
ALEX (off): H.B.? Are you home.
H.B.: I sure am, darlin'.

H.B. goes to open the front door to ALEX, who carries two brightly wrapped
presents, one large and one small.

H.B. (kissing her on the cheek): Now, here's a lady I did let slip through
my fingers, once upon a time. When was that, Alexandra?
ALEX: Oh, about eight years ago. I'm sure it would have been a lovely
merger. (Smiles wickedly): I mean marriage.
H.B.: Maybe it's not too late.
ALEX: (clucks her tongue). H.B.! You keep your hands off my...assets. How
are you today, Ms. Hornblower?
SUSAN (with a wealth of hidden meanings): I'm doing just fine.
H.B.: What you got in those boxes?
ALEX: You're worse than a little boy on Christmas.
H.B.: I am when it comes to presents.
ALEX (handing him the large box): It's a housewarming gift for you, dear.
H.B. (ripping off the paper): It's a welcome mat. I love it. I'm going to
put in on my doorstep right now. (Exits.)
ALEX (conspiratorially): Well? What did you find out about the Carreras?
SUSAN (shushing her): Not now. I'll call you later--
H.B.: (reenters).
SUSAN: --about the property I found for your nephew. Little jewel of a place
up near the country club.
ALEX: He can't go on living like a deck hand on the family yacht.
H.B.: What's in the other box, darlin'?
ALEX: Nothing for you, you greedy old thing. It's a present for
Alan-Michael. It's his birthday today.

28. INT. SPAULDING STUDY - NIGHT

ANGLE ON the door leading into the study. It opens a crack. ALAN-MICHAEL
pokes his head in and looks around. Not seeing anyone, he enters the room
and pours himself a glass of whiskey on the rocks.

SONNI (off): I could use a refill, Alan-Michael.
A-M: Sonni? Where--
SONNI (popping up from behind the couch in an aerobics outfit, a glass in
her hand): Over here.
A-M: What were you doing on the floor?
SONNI: My yoga exercises.
A-M (filling her glass): Yoga and whiskey.
SONNI: The one-two punch.
A-M: Does it work?
SONNI: The whiskey? Always. The yoga? Sometimes. Just different versions of
a time-out from life.
A-M (sitting on the couch): That's what I need.
SONNI (sitting on the back of the couch): I can show you.
A-M: The secrets of the gurus?
SONNI: Or the secrets of Johnny Walker Red. Happy birthday, by the way.
A-M: Don't remind me.
SONNI: Okay. Here's to no more birthdays.

They clink glasses. Then ALEX enters, still carrying the present.

ALEX: Here's the birthday boy! Ginger told me you'd arrived.
SONNI: I'm fine, Alex. How are you?
ALEX (to A-M): Come see what I got you.
A-M (not moving): First dinner, then presents. That's the rule.
ALEX: What? I don't remember that.
A-M: It was my mother's rule when I was little. Before you came back home.
ALEX (sitting beside him, still ignoring SONNI on the back of the couch
behind them): I wish I'd known you when you were a little boy.
SONNI: I bet you were spoiled rotten.
A-M: I had a lot of *things*. The only person who... (Absently, he reaches
into his breast pocket and fingers something inside it.)
SONNI: Ooooo! What you got there? Is it a secret? I love secrets. (Leans
between them and tries to reach into A-M's pocket.)
ALEX: Sonni, for heaven's sake! Show a little discretion.
A-M: No secret. It's--
ALAN (entering): Did you start the party games without me?
SONNI: Mmmmm. We're playing hot and cold. (Touching A-M's pocket): I'm hot
now. (Crossing to ALAN): And now I'm ice cold. (Kisses his cheek.)
ALAN (embracing her): Did you miss me, darling?
SONNI: You can't imagine how much.
ALAN: I hired the orchestra today. For our engagement party.
ALEX (crossing to the bar): I understood the one-man band was busy that
night. What else could you afford?
ALAN: A 20-piece orchestra. With strings.
SONNI: Strings. Oh goody! Be still, my happy feet.
ALEX: Well, all I can say is, thank God for plastic!
ALAN: I don't know why you persist in this fantasy that I'm one step away
from the poor house. I have resources I haven't even tapped yet.
SONNI: (smiles wryly).
ALAN: And to prove it... (Crosses to A-M and hands him an envelope): Happy
birthday, son. Go on, open it.
A-M: (removes a sheet of paper from the envelope).
SONNI: What is it, Alan-Michael? Tell us about your loot.
ALAN: I've signed over the yacht to him.
ALEX: What?
ALAN: Because it's his home now, and I don't want him to feel like he's
living on my charity.
ALEX: And, of course, now he'll be the one who's liable for all the fees.
(Resuming her seat beside A-M): If you take my advice, Alan-Michael, you'll
stop living like a vagabond. I already have my real estate agent looking for
a house for you.
ALAN: Let the boy live where he wants to, Alex. I think I know what's best
for my own--
A-M: Oh for God's sake! Quit treating me like a child. I'll decide where I
live, and for now the yacht is where I want to be. At least until I get Lucy
back. So thank you, Father. And now, since we're opening presents before
dinner... (Plucks the box from ALEX's hands and starts to unwrap it.)
SONNI: Shake it first.
A-M: (shaking the box): It rattles.
SONNI: It rattles, and it's small.
ALEX: Good things come in small packages.
A-M (opening the box): It's a key.
ALAN: She went ahead and bought a house for you.
ALEX: Oh no I didn't. It's the key to your new office. I've appointed you
vice-president in charge of our entire pharmaceuticals division.
A-M: I'm not sure I want--
ALAN: Does Roger know about this?
ALEX: I'm the CEO of Spaulding Enterprises, Alan. I don't work for Roger.
Roger works for me.
ALAN: Does he know that?
A-M: Will you two please cut it out? (Rising): That's the only present I
want. For one night, could we all please stop sniping at one another?

He goes to the bar to top off his drink. SONNI comes over for a refill. ALAN
and ALEX are both a little ashamed of themselves.

ALEX: Of course, dear. From now on, I, at least, will be on my best
behavior. (Rising): I'll tell Donna we're ready for dinner. You'd better
dress, Sonni. Assuming you have something suitable.
SONNI: We're not quite ready yet. (Patting A-M's breast pocket): I'm
guessing there's at least one more gift to open.
A-M (removing a small wrapped box from his pocket): It came in the mail
yesterday. It's from my grandfather.
ALAN: Is this a joke?
ALEX: Your grandfather is dead.
SONNI: That doesn't mean much in this town.
ALAN: From my Grandpa Mike in D.C. (Opening the box and removing a pocket
watch and a note): It's...He sent me...It's Papa Bauer's pocket watch. (To
Sonni): My great-grandfather. He died in his sleep before I was born. But
I've seen photographs, and I've seen him in home movies that Uncle Ed had
transferred to video. (Opens watch and looks at inscription on the lid.)
Here's his birth date--March 14, 1892. I wish I'd known him.
ALEX: I'll get you a watch fob, Alan-Michael.
ALAN: Nonsense. I have an old one of Father's I can give him.
A-M: (sighs because they're starting in again).
SONNI: (shoots him a sympathetic look).
A-M (holding the watch to his ear): It's still ticking.

29. EXT. BAUER PATIO - NIGHT

DAHLIA and BEN are hovering outside the kitchen door.

DAHLIA: It's awfully late, Ben. Maybe we should do this tomorrow.
BEN: No. She hasn't been to school for two days. It's senior year, Dahlia.
She can't afford to fall behind. Did you see her at Cedars today?
DAHLIA (shaking her head): Our schedule changed when school started. We're
still candy-stripers, but we had to cut back on our hours. But Annie said
she was in day before yesterday, and you said Dr. Bauer said she has the flu.
BEN: Yeah, the flu. In September. Sounds bogus to me. Uncle Ed said--
DAHLIA: How is Dr. Bauer your uncle? I forget.
BEN: He isn't. He said for me to call him Ed, but I just can't make myself
do it.
DAHLIA: That's hard for me, too--knowing when it's okay to start calling
grownups by their first names. We're not kids any more, but--
BEN: But I wish we were, sometimes. I didn't have any problem calling Holly
Holly. But that was when we were all living together.
DAHLIA: I'm sorry, Ben. I know what it's like to have the rug pulled out
from under you.
BEN: I wish I could talk to Holly. She'd understand. Or Nick. But he's in
Asia now with his wife.
DAHLIA: Can't you talk to your father?
BEN: About drugs? No way! He'd just fly off the handle and start writing an
expose or something.
DAHLIA: I feel like this is all my fault.
BEN: Because that sleazebag came to hear you sing and ended up giving dope
to Bill? No way you could know that. Bill's the one who should feel guilty.
What the hell was he thinking?
DAHLIA: I bet you think I know all about drugs and stuff. I mean, with my
background and all. But--
BEN: Not for one second. Your mom tried to protect you from all that crap.
DAHLIA: Yeah, well, if she hadn't tried to protect me so much, maybe...This
isn't getting us anywhere. What are we going to say to Michelle?
BEN: We'll know when we see her. (Opens the door.)

30. INT. LINDSEY MANSION - NIGHT

Unlike H.B.'s cozy and cheerful new house, this mansion is dark and gloomy.
It is also furnished, but the furniture is shrouded in dust covers. CAMERA
SHOOTING THROUGH the living room into the entrance hall as a key turns in
the lock, and the front door opens. SUSAN PIPER enters, followed by DIETRICH
and HOPE LINDSEY, who still wears dark glasses and a floppy straw hat that
partially obscures her face.

SUSAN: I just know you're going to love this one. Used to belong to Quinton
Chamberlain, except he was somebody McCord then, so this is the McCord place.
HOPE (brushing past her, oblivious, and wandering into the living room):
It's his birthday today.
SUSAN: Quinton Chamberlain?
DIETRICH: Does he smoke?
HOPE: I hope not.
SUSAN: People he sold it to just couldn't keep it up, but your situation is
entirely different.
DIETRICH: I mean cigars. They're all the rage now. My partners sent me a
gross of cigars from Cuba. (Taking one from his breast pocket and sniffing
it): They're amazing. I'll have my assistant send Alan-Michael a box and
sign your name to the card.
HOPE: Your assistant? That's one word for her.
SUSAN (bustling around): Isn't this chandelier just absolutely fabulous? And
this fireplace is huge. Guess how many fireplaces there are?
DIETRICH: My investment counselor, then.
HOPE: Don't you mean your whore?
SUSAN: (fascinated, but pretending not to eavesdrop): Five. There are five
fireplaces. And it's air-conditioned. Isn't that just the way you like it, sir?
DIETRICH: Laura is a licensed investment broker. She's made a lot of money
for me over the years.
HOPE: She's made a lot of money *from* you, most of it on her back.
SUSAN: Would you like to see the dining room? It's enormous.
DIETRICH (sharply): I don't want to hear any more of that kind of talk.
Laura and I do not have that sort of relationship. I married *you*, didn't I?
HOPE (bitterly): Yes, that was my lucky day. I'm not sure if I'm your wife
or your prisoner.
SUSAN: (turns to face the fireplace, lights a cigarette in a holder, and
pricks up her ears).
DIETRICH (putting an arm around HOPE): You're my queen.
HOPE (stiffens): Yes, I am. I am your queen. And just remember--it's hard to
win a chess game if you lose your queen. I'm going to find a phone and call
Alan-Michael. (Starts off.)
DIETRICH (tightening his grip): It's not time to make that move yet.
HOPE: When? When will it be time?
DIETRICH: It will be time when I say so, and not a minute before.
SUSAN (coughing discreetly): Would you like to see the bedrooms now?

31. INT. MICHELLE'S BEDROOM - NIGHT

MICHELLE's bedroom contains many relics of her childhood. The top of her
bookcase is crowded with small stuffed animals, poseable dolls, and family
photos in assorted frames. More stuffed animals are propped up on her bed,
which has a pink gingham cover. But there's a TV set on a stand piled high
with videotapes. There is also a large poster on the wall of Tori Amos from
the album _Little Earthquakes_, and "Me and a Gun" is playing on the CD
player. MICHELLE, looking tragic, is sprawled crosswise on her bed, lying on
her stomach, with her cheek resting on the side of a tabby cat. WE HEAR a
knock on the door. MICHELLE flinches.

MICHELLE: I've gone to bed, Dad. I'll see you in the morning.
BEN (off): It's me, Michelle. I've got Dahlia with me.
DAHLIA (off): We're worried about you.
MICHELLE: I've got the flu. I'm contagious.
BEN (off): I don't care. We're coming in.

MICHELLE sits up hurriedly, picks up the cat, and hugs it to her heart. The
door opens, and BEN enters, followed by DAHLIA.

BEN: What kind of flu is it?
MICHELLE: I don't know. Asian flu. Something. I'm taking medicine for it. I
got it at Cedars.
DAHLIA: When you were there the other day?
MICHELLE: Yes. No. I don't remember. Dad and Rick are both doctors. They
know what I need.
BEN (turning off the CD player): Did they give you this medicine?
MICHELLE: What's it to you? I was listening to that. Stop asking so many
questions. I'm tired. I can't think straight. (Rolling over on her side with
the cat tight against her): I just want to sleep and sleep and sleep.
DAHLIA (after a glance at BEN): That's what we're afraid of. (Sitting beside
her): We're afraid you might be taking the wrong kind of medicine.
BEN (hovering, awkwardly): Bill told me what you did.
MICHELLE: Oh God! (Hiding her face in the cat): It's like living in a police
state. Why can't everybody just leave me alone?
BEN: We're not everybody, Mitch. I've known you all my life.
MICHELLE (jumping up so fast that the cat lands on the floor with a yowl):
Nobody knows me. Not you. Not Bill. Certainly not my *mother*, if you want
to call her that.
DAHLIA: We do know what it's like, Michelle. I know what it's like to have a
father you didn't know you had pop out of nowhere.
MICHELLE: It stinks, but it's not the same. You knew Frank already. I never
clapped eyes on Claire until she upped and decided she wanted to play Mommie
Dearest.
BEN: I've got a father somewhere I've never seen.
MICHELLE: And how do you feel about that?
BEN: I feel...pulled every which way. Fletcher *is* my father in every way
that counts. But sometimes I wonder what my real...what my birth father is
like, and why he's never bothers to come see me.
MICHELLE: Count yourself lucky. Parents! All they ever want to do is boss
you around. Can't they remember what it's like to be our age?
DAHLIA: I think they get old, and they forget.
BEN: Yeah. They burn out their brain cells or something.
MICHELLE: Cripes, I hope I die before I get that old!

BEN and DAHLIA exchange worried glances.

MICHELLE: Oh, come on, you guys, get a grip. I don't really hope I die. I'm
not planning to check out of Motel Earth with a needle in my arm. We just
sniffed it, anyway. It was just that one time.
DAHLIA: Do you really have the flu?
MICHELLE: Okay, no, I don't. I have the blues, if you must know. Like that
woman that comes on TV at 3 a.m. during the _Perry Mason_ reruns.
BEN: The signs of depression.
MICHELLE: Yeah. I've got a lot of them.
DAHLIA: Maybe you should talk to somebody.
MICHELLE: And have my father and my brother and my *mother* all flip out on
me? No thank you. Look, you guys, I appreciate what you're trying to do, but
it's way past my bedtime.
BEN: But we will see you in school tomorrow, won't we?
MICHELLE: Yeah, sure.
DAHLIA: We can all have lunch together.
MICHELLE: Sounds great. (Hustles them toward the door.)
DAHLIA: Bye, Michelle.
BEN: See you in the morning.

They exit. MICHELLE emits an explosive sigh. She sits down cross-legged on
the bed. The cat jumps up beside her, but she ignores it. She opens the top
drawer in her bedside table, fumbles under a pile of  scarves, and removes a
plastic straw and small glassine bag with a little bit of white powder in it.

MICHELLE (staring at the bag): Now what?

FADE OUT