"Every exit is an entrance some place else." (Tom Stoppard) Deadly Business, Part II Written by Pam Purdy (GPurdy3507@aol.com) FADE IN: 1. INT. DINER - DAY It's breakfast time at the diner. BUZZ is behind the counter. HAWK is waiting on tables. MRS. POPOV is picking at a plate of scrambled eggs in a corner booth. The other customers run the gamut from college students to the elderly poor, a multi-culti crowd that has flocked to Fifth Street since the "renaissance" made cheap housing available. One young ARTIST, an Asian-American, assisted by her African-American GIRLFRIEND, is hanging pictures on the wall--mosaics made of different-colored bottle caps. HAWK puzzles over one as he clears a table, then crosses to the counter, plunks down his dirty dishes, and jerks a thumb at the mosaics. HAWK: What the blue blazes are them things? BUZZ: New art show. Opens tonight. They're all over the neighborhood. Redevelopment Committee calls it "Art in Bars and Bistros." HAWK: Looks like they dug 'em out of a dumpster. BUZZ: All I know is, when we had the pilot show last month, those artists and their pals scarfed down twenty-five mystery meat loafs and fifty pounds of mashed potatoes. They're a hungry bunch. HAWK: Since when are we a bistro? BUZZ: Since macaroni and cheese got trendy. Hey, Hawkster--how 'bout you take over for Uncle Stavros in the kitchen? He promised Mrs. P. he'd have breakfast with her. HAWK: You got it, Buzzman. As HAWK exits into the kitchen, ELENI and MARINA enter from the stairway leading to their apartment. BUZZ: Hi, kids! All ready for your big day? ELENI: Our big day is tomorrow, Buzz. Today we make our name tags. I wanted pieces of newspaper, but the children voted for dinosaurs. BUZZ: Purple dinosaurs, I bet. (Sings to MARINA): "I love you, you love me..." MARINA hides behind ELENI's skirts, but when FRANK enters by the front door, she suddenly brightens, runs to him, and flings her arms around him. MARINA: Daddy! FRANK (scooping her up): Hello, sweetheart. How's my best girl? MARINA: We're going on a trip, Daddy. FRANK (to ELENI): A trip? ELENI: The childcare center is taking a day trip. FRANK: Oh. I thought-- ELENI: Just a day trip. That's all. FRANK: Because I'm not sure if it's a good idea, with Brent on the loose, for you to go off somewhere by yourselves. In fact, I was thinking-- UNCLE STAVROS enters from the kitchen. STAVROS: Frankie! You're back. About time you lovebirds come to your senses. Lord knows what my brother would say if he knew-- ELENI (repressively): Frank just dropped by to see Marina. STAVROS: Guess what Uncle Stavros made you, Marina? MARINA: (hides her face in FRANK's shoulder). STAVROS: Cinnamon strips from the tag ends of my pie crust. MARINA: Oh goody! MARINA wriggles out of FRANK's arms and runs into the kitchen. ELENI (calling after her): Don't eat too many. FRANK: Could I talk to you a minute, Eleni? ELENI: Well... (Notices STAVROS and BUZZ hanging on the every word.) Don't you two have work to do? BUZZ ostentatiously wipes the counter. STAVROS goes over to sit with MRS. POPOV. ELENI and FRANK withdraw to the alcove by the door. ELENI: Honestly! Those two are worse than the old ladies who used gather at the well in my village in Crete. All dressed in black like crows. They knew everybody's business. FRANK: Do you miss Crete? ELENI: It's funny. When I left I could hardly wait to get out of there. You remember what I was like when I got off the boat. I just wanted to throw myself into life in America. I'd never been anywhere, never done anything. I couldn't even go out at night without my brothers tagging along. In Crete, we have a saying--the only women who go out alone at night are whores and American tourists. I wanted to be like those tourists. They went everywhere, and they walked so fast. FRANK: And now? ELENI: I have what I wanted. (Smiles wryly.) I can go out alone. FRANK: But you don't have to be alone. I still love you, I still want to be with you. ELENI: You lied to me, Frank. FRANK: No I didn't. I didn't tell you I was Dahlia's father because I didn't know. ELENI: But you suspected, didn't you? Why else would Tina have insisted on leaving Dahlia with you when she went to prison? FRANK: I didn't suspect. Honest. Some detective I am! The last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt you. Please give me another chance. If not for yourself, for Marina. ELENI: She misses her Daddy. FRANK: Yes, and with Brent roaming around, I don't want the two of you to be here alone at night. ELENI (smiling): Just like my brothers. FRANK: What do you say? ELENI: I say-- With a tremendous crash, one of the mosaics falls off the wall and lands flat on the table in the booth where MRS. POPOV is sitting with STAVROS. She screams and jumps up, as does STAVROS, who wraps his arms around her as if to protect her from other falling objects. The ARTIST and her GIRLFRIEND pick up the picture and begin to wipe off scrambled eggs, butter, and jelly with bunches of napkins. BUZZ rushes over. BUZZ: You guys okay? MRS. POPOV: My heart is beating like a...like a... BUZZ: Jackhammer? MRS. POPOV: I thought it was them. They're after me, you know. STAVROS: Hush now, Olga. You promised not to talk about "them" no more. MRS. POPOV: Yes, yes, I promised. I will say nothing, or else my daughter will make me go back. Natasha will make me go back to the madhouse. I will say nothing. Especially about the wings and your Lucy. BUZZ: What about Lucy? MRS. POPOV: When she left with the Archangel Zachary, after he gave me the money that saved Fifth Street. How she was driving the boat, and he was flying behind her on his wings. Behind MRS. POPOV's back, STAVROS points his index finger at his temple and makes circles to indicate she is crazy. BUZZ looks doubtful. BUZZ: What are you talking about, Mrs. P.? You can tell me. I won't tell "them." MRS. POPOV: No, no, I will say nothing. Especially about the wings. In a tizzy, MRS. POPOV hurries out of the diner, brushing past FRANK and ELENI. FRANK: What do you say, Eleni? ELENI: I say I'm going to be late opening the center if we don't leave right now. (Calling out): Marina! Come on now. We're running late. FRANK: But about me coming home again-- ELENI: You can't go home again. Isn't that what they say? FRANK: But I love you. ELENI: And I love you, Frankie. Love hurts. Marina! I'm waiting. MARINA (entering from the kitchen, clutching a cinnamon stick and singing): "I love you, you love me..." Stricken, FRANK and ELENI gaze at one another. 2. EXT. CAROUSEL FARM - DAY ANGLE ON the front porch as HARLEY approaches it. She stops at the foot of the steps and stares at the house, as if reluctant to go any farther. HARLEY (to herself): Come on, kiddo. It's now or never. But she doesn't move. Then JOSH opens the door and calls back over his shoulder. JOSH: Step on it, kids. We're going to be late. (Turning, sees HARLEY): Harley! What in the world... HARLEY(sheepishly): Hi, Josh. I, uh, I haven't seen the kids since I got back, so I thought maybe...But I guess I picked a bad time. JOSH: Well, I was just going to drop Marah off at school and take Shayne to the childcare center. But if you-- SHAYNE (coming out in a huff): Marah says I tooked her hair ribbons. But I didn't. JOSH: You didn't? SHAYNE: Nope. And I didn't hide 'em in my toy box, neither. HARLEY: Then who did? SHAYNE: Pimps did. Pimps does a lot of stuff. JOSH (to HARLEY, sotto voce): His imaginary friend. HARLEY: Why is he called-- JOSH: Search me. HARLEY (to SHAYNE): Could I meet him? SHAYNE: Who? HARLEY: Pimps. SHAYNE: It's a her. She lives in the woods. HARLEY: Could we go see her? SHAYNE: No! Nobody can. There's poison ivy all around where she lives so nobody can sneak up on her. She put it there on purpose. (To JOSH): Is this the new baby-sitter? HARLEY (hunkering down beside him): I'm your old baby-sitter. I used to look after you when you were a little, little boy. SHAYNE: I'm a big boy now. HARLEY: I can see that. I used to love you very much when you were little. I still do. SHAYNE: Love stinks. We was having juice and cookies, and Lizzie tried to plant one on me. Yuck! But I'm going to make me a necklace out of poison ivy, and if she ever tries to smooch me again, I'll-- MARAH (entering from the house): Daddy, Shayne took my-- (Sees HARLEY.) Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know we had company. (Holding out her hand): I'm Marah Lewis. HARLEY (struggling with her feelings, takes MARAH's hand): And I'm Harley Cooper Mallet. Or I was. Now I'm just plain Harley Cooper. MARAH: Cooper? Are you Buzz's mommy? JOSH (suppressing a laugh): No, Marah. Harley is Buzz's daughter. MARAH (thinking grownups never get anything right): No, Daddy. That's Lucy. HARLEY: Lucy is my sister. My half-sister. SHAYNE: She's our old baby-sitter, dummy. Did you find your dumb hair ribbons? MARAH: Yes I did. (Tying one on): Same place you always hide them. SHAYNE: I didn't-- ANNIE (off): Marah! Shayne! Don't forget your lunch boxes. SHAYNE: (practically bowls MARAH over as he exits). MARAH (to HARLEY): Excuse me. (Exits.) HARLEY(getting up slowly): I knew Shayne wouldn't remember me, but I thought maybe Marah... (She has tears in her eyes.) Does she remember Reva? JOSH: Yes, but that's my doing. All the time we were in Italy searching for Reva, I kept showing them pictures of her and telling them stories about her, so when she came back, I don't know if they remembered her so much as they remembered the pictures and stories. HARLEY: But you didn't show them pictures of me. JOSH: No. I thought... HARLEY: You thought it would be best if they forgot me. If you all forgot me. JOSH: I'm sorry, Harley. HARLEY: No, you were right. Those kids went through so many changes when they were little. Better they should just close that chapter and move on. But even if they've forgotten me, I'll never forget them, and how much I loved them. JOSH: And I'll never forget how much we all loved you. A painful silence. Then ANNIE comes out of the house with SHAYNE holding one hand and MARAH the other. ANNIE (with a guilty start): Harley! I thought it was Mary. The kids said their old baby-sitter was here. JOSH: Have you two met? ANNIE: Why, uh, yes we have. I, uh, I forget where. HARLEY: At the diner, wasn't it? I'm sorry, Annie. I just dropped by to see the kids again. I should have realized I'd be messing up their schedule. JOSH: Whoops! Speaking of which, we got to get a move on. Tell you what, Harley. I'll call you. Maybe we can all have lunch sometime. SHAYNE: Chuckie Cheese's! Chuckie Cheese's! MARAH: (makes a face). JOSH: Come on, kids. Up and at 'em. (Giving Annie a peck on the cheek): See you tonight, honey. Waving and calling good-byes, JOSH, MARAH, and SHAYNE exit out of frame. ANNIE waves listlessly, wondering why she only rates a peck on the cheek. HARLEY doesn't wave or call, just looks after them sadly. Then she rallies and turns to ANNIE. HARLEY: I hope that was okay. That stuff about the diner? ANNIE: Yes, yes, it was fine. I couldn't think for a minute. I didn't know what to say. I was afraid he'd realize why you really-- MARAH runs back to the porch. MARAH: Harley! You're Harley! (Throwing her arms around HARLEY's waist): I remember you now. You used to sing to me. Please, could we really have lunch sometime? You could tell me what I was like when I was little. JOSH (off): Marah! Come on. We're way late. MARAH (running off): Bye! I'll see you. Bye! (Exits.) HARLEY: (has tears running down her cheeks). ANNIE: I'm glad she remembered you. Gives me hope that someday they'll remember me. HARLEY (startled): Is it that bad? ANNIE: Worse. Come on in. CAMERA FOLLOWS ANNIE and HARLEY as they enter the house. 3. INT. CAROUSEL FARM LIVING ROOM - DAY REVERSE ANGLE as ANNIE and HARLEY enter the living room. ANNIE: How long have you been a detective? Do you want some tea? Coffee? HARLEY: No, thank you. I was with the Springfield P.D. before we moved to Florida. I couldn't get police work down there, so I took a security job in a hospital. As for how long I've been a P.I.--officially, about a month. But I know what I'm doing. ANNIE: I hope to God you do. (Sits on the couch and pats a place beside her.) Where do we start? HARLEY (sitting): You tell me what makes you think your husband is having an affair. ANNIE: The way he treats me. Like a china doll. No, that's not it. I just got out of rehab not too long ago. HARLEY: (looks quizzical). ANNIE: Pills. I was popping downers like there was no tomorrow. Until there wasn't. Plus, I don't know if you know this, but I'm an alcoholic. So I was cross-addicted. HARLEY: And now? ANNIE: Now I'm clean. I did my six weeks in rehab. I did my sixty meetings in sixty days. Now I do an N.A. or an A.A. meeting at least once a week. I have a sponsor. Ed Bauer is my sponsor. I wouldn't tell you, except it's no secret that Ed's a recovering alcoholic. He gives a lot of presentations. He even did a public service announcement for WSPR. HARLEY: I think I've seen that. ANNIE: It's a good one. The thing is, a lot of times, when you're a drunk or a junkie, your spouse is what they call an enabler. So maybe you kick your habit, but your spouse doesn't kick his. He's addicted to helping you. I thought that was it, why Josh was walking around on eggshells, holding me at arm's length. But lately there've been all these unexplained absences. Or he tried to explain, but his explanations are just so lame. HARLEY: Men don't lie well. ANNIE: Not as well as women. And also, right after I got out of rehab, I saw him kissing this woman in the woods. HARLEY: (looks surprised). ANNIE: I didn't know who she was for a long time. Then I saw her picture in the paper. ANNIE reaches into a magazine rack beside the couch and pulls out a newspaper, which she lays flat on the coffee table. CLOSE SHOT of the feature section of the Sunday _Springfield Journal_. We see a large photograph of Sonni under the headline: "Sonni Carrera Engaged to Alan Spaulding. Party Planned." HARLEY: Good grief! That's Josh's ex-wife. ANNIE: I know that now. And she's engaged to Alan. But she's the one I saw kissing Josh. I'm sure of it. So...how do we find out if she's still seeing him? HARLEY: It's always the same old story--follow the money. Can you get me his credit card receipts? 4. INT. VAN'S LIVING ROOM - DAY VAN is seated at the desk, writing checks to pay her bills. There's a slight edge to her composure, as if she's waiting for the other shoe to drop. We hear a car pull up. VAN looks toward the door. We hear a key turn in the lock and see the knob turn, but the door doesn't open. Taking her time about it, VAN goes to open the door. MATT is standing outside with a key ring in his hands. MATT: You had the locks changed. VAN: Weeks ago. Come in, please. Leaving the door ajar, VAN resumes her seat at the desk, where she licks envelopes and puts stamps on them. MATT hovers over her. MATT: I was so happy when you called. I always knew it was just a matter of time before you'd want to talk things out and try to put the pieces back together. VAN: (doesn't reply). MATT (looking at an envelope): Did you change heating companies? VAN: I had the oil furnace taken out and a gas furnace put in. MATT: I could have done that for you. VAN: I was tired of the curtains turning brown every winter. (Writes another check.) MATT: Yeah, sure, that was a-- Look, I don't want to talk about curtains. I want to talk about you and how much I missed you while you were in Switzerland and how I thank God that you're in remission and-- VAN (holding out a check): This is for you. MATT: For...Do you want me to do some work around the place? VAN: I want you to get on with your life the way I've gotten on with mine. (Lays the check on the corner of the desk.) Ross tells me I can get an annulment on the grounds that our marriage was fraudulent. MATT: My God, Vanessa, what the hell are you talking about? VAN: You know very well. MATT: You mean...the Malibu thing? VAN: I had no idea when I married you that you'd been a professional...escort. MATT seizes her chair, turns it around to face him, and kneels in front of her with his arms clutching either side of the chair. VAN stiffens. MATT: Listen to me, Vanessa. This is our lives we're talking about, not some damn garden club meeting or hospital ball. If you think I was out in Malibu screwing women for money, you're way off the beam. VAN: No. I think you were out there letting lonely, unloved, older women have the pleasure of walking into restaurants with a handsome young man on their arms. And I think they were willing to pay for the privilege. (Nodding toward the check): So am I. MATT (recoils as if she'd struck him): I can't believe I'm hearing this. Lonely? Unloved? I *never* thought of you that way. You're my Contessa. VAN: (flinches). MATT: I thought we'd thrashed this all out a long time ago. VAN (coldly): We never thrashed anything out. Daddy died, and you helped me through that. Then I got sick, and I just put everything else on hold. We're thrashing it out now, and now I'm telling you I'm not a charity case. I'm afraid I have no idea what escorts make for an evening, but I think that-- (Indicates check.) --should be enough to cover all the evenings you spent with me. MATT (rigid with anger): More than enough. In fact, at this rate, you've got something else coming. He pulls her up into his arms and kisses her hard. She resists at first. Then, just as she begins to respond, the front door is flung open, and DINAH storms into the room. DINAH: I am so mad I could spit nails. You won't believe what-- Matt! What are you doing here? Don't tell me you two got back together. VAN (pushing MATT away): Certainly not. DINAH: Oh. Okay. Well anyway, guess who's coming to WSPR? MATT: _Entertainment Tonight_. DINAH: I wanted her to *guess*, Matt. They're coming tomorrow, for the Noon News, and I have to give up my dressing room and get dressed in a broom closet, because it's all about her. VANESSA: Who? DINAH: Her. MATT: Dahlia. DINAH: It's all about how this little girl from Springfield got discovered by a major label, and how they're recording her CD live at the Towers, and how she's going to be the next Whitney Houston, while I have to put on my damn pixie suit in a cupboard and go out there and dance around the weather map singing..."Autumn Leaves" or whatever and watch them fawn over stupid, stupid, stupid Dahlia. MATT: Is John Tesh coming? DINAH: Don't be silly. He doesn't do that any more. He's famous now. Like Dahlia's going to be. And me? I'm just this ridiculous pixie in a nowhere town. (Flops down on the couch and bursts into tears.) Everybody's laughing at me, and it's all Roger's fault. Because he makes me do it. MATT can't help smiling at DINAH's histrionics. He tried to catch VAN's eye so they can smile together. Instead she gives him a hard stare. Her composure snaps. VAN: Well? Aren't you going to comfort your girlfriend? MATT (thrown for a loop): What? VAN: Just because I tried to end our marriage with a little dignity, that doesn't mean I'm blind to the fact that you were sleeping with my daughter all the while I was away. Did you think you could keep it a secret forever? I'm middle-aged, not senile. DINAH (stunned): What? No, Mother, I-- VAN: Shut up. I'm sick of being lied to. I saw the two of you together in our bed, the night I got back from Switzerland. MATT: Oh my God, Van, I so sorry. It didn't mean anything. I never loved her. DINAH: You pig! MATT (to VAN): I love you. I was *lonely*. VAN: Lonely? (Venomously): Then you should have hired an escort. Flabbergasted, MATT and DINAH watch VAN sweep out of the room and start to climb the stairs. Halfway up, she pauses. VAN: You look like a couple of guppies in an aquarium. Close your mouths, pull yourselves together, and get the hell out of my house. 5. INT. PENTHOUSE - NIGHT MALLOY and LAURA are seated at a small round dining table in Roger's penthouse (now Laura's). They are sipping coffee. HART is sitting in his wheelchair nearby. He can't move or speak, but his intelligent eyes flow the conversation closely. MALLOY: So, what do you think, Laura? Can we keep this a secret from you-know-who? LAURA: It's all right to say his name, darling. Mr. Lindsey. Dietrich. MALLOY (indicating HART): How much does he understand? LAURA: He understands everything, don't you, Hart? (Reaches out and pats HART's hand.) But he'd never betray his mother's secrets. Not that I have any. Dietrich wouldn't want anything bad to happen to his ex-wife. MALLOY: Not unless he caused it to happen himself. You got any brandy? LAURA: In that cabinet over there. MALLOY (crossing to the cabinet): So if he knew this real estate lady-- LAURA: Susan Piper. MALLOY: --told you that the Reverend Smith-- LAURA: Brent Lawrence. MALLOY: --had kidnapped Holly and stranded her on the top floor of some broken-down building, and that you told me-- LAURA: He'd probably hand us a medal. Bring me a glass too, would you, darling? MALLOY (crossing back with bottle and glasses): So, if Lindsey's not after Holly, that leaves one question. LAURA: Which is? MALLOY: Why did you tell me to kill her? And then tell me to save her? LAURA: I told you to kill her because I thought she might try to get back with Roger before he could be reunited with Alexandra. And I told you to save her because, now that Alex and Roger are back together, I don't want to rock the boat. MALLOY: I see. (Pouring a glass of brandy): And what should I do with Holly now? LAURA: Whatever you want to. (Accepting the glass): If you want to. What do men see in that woman? I don't get it. MALLOY (pouring himself a glass): That's because you are the evil anti-Holly. LAURA: (is taken aback). MALLOY: I mean it. She's an accident waiting to happen. You're the kind of woman who makes accidents happen to somebody else. LAURA (with a brief laugh): The perils of Holly. The villain ties her to the tracks, and you or Roger-- MALLOY: Or Dietrich. LAURA: --ride to her rescue. You're right. That's not me. I want to be in the thick of things. And if the opportunity arises, there's nothing I'd like more than tying poor, pitiful Holly to the railroad tracks. MALLOY: You're scaring me now. One more question. LAURA (playfully): Another one? MALLOY: Why was it so important to put Roger with Alex? I thought you wanted him for yourself. LAURA: After he left me for dead in Cuba? Fat chance. Love sucks, darling. (Peering at him over the top of her glass): Dietrich Lindsey has big plans for this little town. Drink up, and I'll tell you all about it. 6. INT. COMPANY - NIGHT ALAN-MICHAEL and ROSS are seated together at a center table. AMANDA is by herself at a table for two near the door. RICK sits at the next table, likewise alone. The rest of the tables are taken up by young and/or arty types, who get up from time to time to check out some truly dreadful watercolor landscapes on the walls. BEA is behind the bar. As the scene opens, she crosses to AMANDA's table with a tray full of food and slaps a plate down in front of her. BEA (curtly): Turkey on white. Not toasted. No butter, no mayonnaise. And a double helping of french fries. AMANDA: This place is hopping tonight. Is there some free food I don't know about it? BEA: Art in Bars and Bistros. AMANDA: I thought that was on Fifth Street. BEA: They extended it. (Turns away.) AMANDA: Wait a minute, Bea. Have you seen-- BEA: Quinton? I believe he's doing something with his *wife*. BEA bustles over to RICK's table, where she puts down another plate. BEA (warmly): My special Western omelet with my special ranch fries and homemade mustard greens. RICK: With garlic? BEA (smiling): Just how you like them. RICK: Thanks, Grandma Bea. BEA: I'll never understand why a good-looking boy like you, and a doctor, no less, can't find some nice girl to look after him. RICK: You, my dad, and half the population of Springfield. I expect to see a headline about it in the _Journal_ any day now--"Doctor Is Dateless." BEA: Keep looking, Freddie. She's out there. BEA pats RICK on the shoulder and crosses to ALAN-MICHAEL and ROSS, who are halfway through their dinner. BEA: How's the food, boys? ROSS (smiling): You're the best, Bea. A-M: You know how I feel about your meat loaf, Aunt Bea. BEA: Better than your father-in-law's? A-M: Well, yes, but don't tell Buzz I said that. BEA (well-pleased): Your secret's safe with me. (Exits out of frame.) ROSS: You still call her Aunt Bea? A-M: What else can I call her? Even though it makes me feel like Opie Taylor. She's my... ROSS: Step-great-aunt by marriage. A-M: Something like that. ROSS: Go on with what Buzz told you. About the wings. A-M: He said Mrs. Popov said Zachary flew away from the Fifth Street Pier. ROSS: But before she said-- A-M: That he sailed away with Lucy. Only now she says Lucy was-- (He makes quote signs with his fingers.) --"driving the boat," and Zachary was flying. So how can I believe anything she's told us ever? It's another blind alley. ROSS: You know, Alan-Michael, I just can't shake the feeling that if somehow we could penetrate Mrs. Popov's brain and see what she saw...She's like a child describing something she witnessed but doesn't understand. A-M: I used to think so. Now I think she's batty as a belfry and that I have to stop chasing these phantoms. I haven't heard Word One from Lucy for six months now. So I have to face up to the fact that either she's dead or she's deserted me. Run off with Angel Boy. ROSS: You want me to have Lucy declared legally dead? A-M: No! Buzz would kill me. Hell, *I'd* kill me. I just want to get out of this...legal limbo so I can put our affairs in order. ROSS: Power of attorney? A-M: Whatever it takes. You'd know better than I would. I-- QUINT (off): Alan-Michael! CAMERA PULLS BACK to show QUINT standing by their table. QUINT: I've been trying to reach you all day. A-M: I turned my phone off. I know. It's a bad habit. What's up, Uncle Quint? QUINT: I have a favor to ask you. I want to borrow your boat. A-M: The yacht? I'm living on it. QUINT: Not the yacht. That's too big for where we're going, into the branches of the Springfield River. Don't you have a motorboat? A-M: I have a sailboat. QUINT: That would be perfect. ROSS: Where are you off to, Quint? QUINT (trying to conceal his excitement): Following up on one of Nola's hare-brained schemes. We won't be gone long. But you look after my sister while I'm away. ROSS: I plan to. A-M: How's Vanessa doing? ROSS: Trying to get her marriage annulled. It's a mess. QUINT: And then some. Thanks for the loan of your boat, Alan-Michael. I'll pick it up tomorrow, if I may. A-M: Any time. QUINT: (walks away). ROSS: Uncle Quint? A-M: He's my step-uncle-in-law. ROSS: I wonder if they make a greeting card for that. AMANDA (off): Oh Quint! ANGLE ON AMANDA and RICK's tables. She rises to catch QUINT's arm as he passes. AMANDA: Could I talk to you a minute? About those forms you gave me to fill out for the Society for the Preservation of Historic Lighthouses. QUINT: That'll have to wait 'til next week. AMANDA: Are you going someplace? QUINT (smiling broadly): Yes. Nola and I are taking a trip. This could be it, Amanda. This could be the break I've been waiting for. AMANDA: In your archaeological researches? QUINT: Good heavens, no. In my campaign to reconcile with Nola. Wish me luck. (Walks out of frame.) AMANDA (to herself): Yeah. Sure. Break a leg. Break two. RICK: Trouble in paradise? AMANDA: What? Oh. I didn't see you sitting there, Rick. RICK: I think that's half my problem. I'm surrounded by beautiful, intelligent women who can't see me for dust. I haven't seen *you* since we dined at the palace of the Spauldings. AMANDA: What? RICK: Hot vichyssoise and cold Baked Alaska? AMANDA: (looks clueless). RICK: Never mind. So anyway, I was just sitting here eating my omelet and looking at you and thinking about Alan's engagement party tomorrow and how I don't have a date for it yet, but you probably have the pick of the crop, and-- AMANDA (focusing in on him): Are you asking me for a date? RICK: Yeah, well, I guess. AMANDA: As in you and me together? At Father's appalling party to celebrate his engagement to the She-Wolf of Venezuela? RICK: That's the general idea. AMANDA: You know what I think, Rick? (Sits at his table.) RICK: What do you think, Amanda? AMANDA: I think people Father's age shouldn't have engagement parties. They should just get married and be done with it. And people our age shouldn't have dates. I should just come over to your...Where do you live, exactly? RICK (embarrassed): In the garage apartment at my dad's place. AMANDA: I should just come over to your garage apartment and do the mattress mambo 'til you scream for mercy. RICK: Holy smoke! AMANDA: But since you don't have a date, and you asked me, and I don't have a date, and I don't want to look like I can't get one, I agree. RICK: To what? AMANDA (rising): Don't be dense, Rick. She returns to her table and concentrates on her french fries. RICK goggles at her. 7. INT. BOARDINGHOUSE KITCHEN - NIGHT The kitchen is half dark. BRIDGET is seated in the shadows at the kitchen table, with her head on her folded arms as if asleep. QUINT enters from the pantry between Company and the kitchen. QUINT (calling out): Nola? It's me. I'm back. I got us a boat. BRIDGET (raising her head): She went out, Uncle Quint. QUINT: Went out? Went where? BRIDGET: (shrugs). QUINT: Is Hart asleep? BRIDGET: Petey's asleep. Hart's staying over with Laura. It's their new thing. QUINT (opening the refrigerator and staring at its contents): Whose new thing? BRIDGET: Roger and Laura. They want to help with Hart. QUINT: It's high time someone did. BRIDGET: Don't just stand there. You'll let all the cold out. QUINT: That's what Nola says. (Removing a bottle of beer): You want one? BRIDGET (shaking her head): My mom says it, too. I think they both got it from Grandma. QUINT: And you got it from them. (Sits down beside her and opens his beer.) BRIDGET: Yep. That's how it goes. QUINT: What are you going to do about Hart, Bridget? If you don't mind my asking. BRIDGET: Love him. Take care of him. QUINT: It's an big commitment. BRIDGET: So? Love doesn't come with money-back guarantees. QUINT: Return to sender. Address unknown. BRIDGET: (looks blank). QUINT: It was a song. Way before your time. It's not as if you and Hart were married. BRIDGET: I'm married to him here. (Touches her heart.) What was that about a boat? QUINT: Change the subject, Uncle Quint. Okay. I don't have to have a house fall on me. Remember what we told you about the cave we climbed into and the bottle Nola found in the pool? BRIDGET: The bottle with the treasure map in it. QUINT: That's what Nola says it is. Me, I'm not so sure. But we're going to follow that map to the end. BRIDGET: Really? That doesn't sound like you. You're usually not so-- QUINT: Impulsive? BRIDGET: Impractical. QUINT: You got that right. I've done one wacky thing in my whole life. BRIDGET: Marry my Aunt Nola? QUINT: No. Come down with a mid-life crisis and take up with a graduate student. Your aunt still can't forgive me for that. BRIDGET: So you want to prove you'll follow her anywhere. QUINT: And I will. Down the Springfield River or to Timbuktu. Wherever she leads me. BRIDGET (laying her hand on his): And I thought you didn't understand how I feel about Hart. 8. INT. KELLY & WYATT'S APARTMENT - NIGHT The apartment looks like it was furnished at Scan. A lot of blond wood and hanging plants. Dressed in sweat pants and a baggy T-shirt, WYATT is curled up on the couch watching a tape of _All My Children_. Dimitri is declaring his eternal love for Erica. WYATT is totally absorbed. When the doorbell rings, he is not happy. He stops the tape and goes to open the door. NOLA is standing in the hallway. She looks like a woman with a mission. NOLA: Hi! You're Wyatt, aren't you? I'm Nola Reardon. You know. From Company. WYATT: I know who you are. Kelly told me all about you. NOLA: Oh. He did, did he? (Trying to peer into the apartment): Is he here? WYATT: Not at the moment. But I'm sure he'll be back soon. NOLA: Oh. Good. Would you mind if I...Then you won't mind if I come in and wait. WYATT (grudgingly): Suit yourself. (Stands aside.) NOLA (entering): This is very...nice. WYATT: We like it. NOLA: I'm sorry to drop by uninvited, but I must talk to Kelly for a minute. Were you doing something? Did I interrupt you? WYATT: No, I was just...reading a book. NOLA: Well, don't mind me. (Sitting in a white arm chair): I can sit here and wait for him. You can get on with your book. WYATT (looking around, doesn't see a book): I lied. (Returns to the couch.) I wasn't reading a book. I was watching a tape of my show. _All My Children_. NOLA (perking up): Oh, I missed it today. What happened? WYATT: Erica got back with Dimitri. NOLA: Well, you knew she would. I liked her better with Mike Roy myself. If he hadn't been shot by that evil, evil judge who was a drug kingpin-- WYATT: I liked her better with Travis. The original Travis. NOLA: Ooooo! Remember the first time they made love? WYATT: Remember it? I practically wore that tape out. NOLA: Me too. Hey, we're twins! But... WYATT: But what? NOLA: I mean, if you're...you know...how come you're interested in-- WYATT: Straight people? What do you think, us gay guys just stay home and watch Richard Gere videos? I wish! NOLA: Well, yes. No. I don't know the first thing about it. WYATT: I probably like a lot of the same things you do, Nola. NOLA (daringly): I know one thing you like that I like. WYATT: I lied about that, too. I don't know where Kelly is or when he's coming back. NOLA: Oh my gosh! What happened? WYATT: He wanted to go out. I didn't. He went out. I stayed home alone. NOLA: Oh my gosh! I know all about this. (Crosses over and sits beside him.) He's having a middle-aged fit, just like Quint did. Books have been written about it. It's in all the magazines and on all the talk shows. Men just sort of panic when they realize they'll never...pitch for the White Sox or go out with a supermodel. So they let their hair grow and buy tight pants and start running around with some bimbo behind their wife's back. (Catching herself): Or whoever. What do you call yourself? WYATT: I say partner, he says lover. NOLA: Lover. Wow! That's going to take some getting used to. But anyway, you mark my words. Kelly's pushing forty, but he still feels like twenty-three. WYATT: What would you do about it? NOLA: I would make him very, very sorry so he'd never, ever do it again. WYATT: That wouldn't work for me. It's hard to guilt Kelly. You know what I do? NOLA: No, what? WYATT: When the going gets tough, and I'm having a real bad day, I just pull myself up, and I say to myself, "I *am* Erica Kane." NOLA (amazed): Honest to goodness? WYATT: Swear on a stack of Bibles. NOLA: Does it work? WYATT: Try it. NOLA (pulling herself up): I *am* Erica Kane. Hey! That felt good. WYATT: I told you. NOLA: You try it. WYATT (pulling himself up): I *am* Erica Kane. NOLA: Feel better? WYATT: Lots. Listen, Nola, you want to watch my tape? NOLA: Do I! WYATT: We could zap some popcorn. NOLA: That sounds terrific! 9. INT. CLUB CHUCK - NIGHT A lot of the same young/arty crowd we saw at Company has moved on to the Club Chuck, which is exhibiting a series of bras in a wide variety of shapes and colors, tacked onto unframed canvases. ZACHARY is sitting alone by the juke box in the corner. TINA is behind the bar. GILLY and HAMP sit side-by-side in bar stools as KELLY, wearing sunglasses and dressed in tight jeans and a black leather jacket, approaches them and dips his hand into a bowl of popcorn on the bar. KELLY (indicating the bras): What's all this, Tina? New branch of Frederick's of Hollywood? TINA: Art in Bars and Bistros. Simultaneous openings. Only the artist we got, she did "Art in *Bras* and Bistros." Get it? KELLY: I got it. You can have it back. Give me a bottle of Samuel Adams, would you? KELLY turns his back to the bar and slouches against it. His eyes scan the room and come to rest on ZACHARY. KELLY: Whoa, Mama! Something new has been added. (To TINA, as she hands him his beer): Over in the corner by the juke box. What is that aesthetic object? TINA: He comes in every now and then. Don't know his name. KELLY: His name is legion, honey. Thank the Lord. (Makes his face a blank.) Look at me, Tina. TINA: What am I looking for? KELLY: Do I look bored enough? TINA: You look pretty bored. KELLY: Secret of my success. Never let them think you're interested. Watch me work. KELLY ambles off in the general direction of ZACHARY. HAMP and GILLY, who have been eavesdropping, exchange glances and laugh. TINA: Floor show's over. It's not like the Towers. HAMP: You think so? I think the show is just getting started. (To GILLY): What were we talking about? GILLY: Alan's engagement party. HAMP: Oh yeah. Biggest thing to hit Springfield since the last tornado. And how you and Phillip are still an item. GILLY: More like a tiny little paragraph in the back pages. I don't know, Hamp. Ever since we settled in at Spaulding, seems like he's lost interest. HAMP: In Spaulding? GILLY: In me. If I hadn't fixed it with Roger, Phillip wouldn't be vice president in charge of overseas holdings. Now he's either jetting all over the world or holed up in his office. I hardly ever see him. HAMP: How do you feel about that? GILLY: The truth? Kind of relieved. I'm up to my ears in making sure the business press thinks Roger Thorpe is the center of the known universe. I don't have time for romance. Love reeks, if you ask me. HAMP: But you're still going to the party with him. GILLY: Oh yeah. It's a date. And you're going with Lil. HAMP: I'm nuts about her. GILLY: I'm happy for you, Hamp. Really. It's just not what I want for myself right now. (Notices TINA looking across the room.) How's the floor show going? TINA: It's starting to get hot. POV SHOT shows KELLY at the juke box, ostensibly absorbed in selecting a tune. ZACHARY is staring at him. KELLY seems to find a tune and pats his hip pockets. No change. He pulls a face and turns away. ZACHARY (in a small voice): I have a quarter. KELLY: (pretends to look around as if he doesn't know who is speaking). ZACHARY (clearing his throat): I said, I have a quarter. If you want. He holds it out to KELLY, who shrugs and extends his hand, palm up. ZACHARY drops the quarter into his hand. KELLY puts the quarter in the jukebox and punches a number. Then he turns back to face ZACHARY. Their eyes lock. We hear "Love Hurts," up loud. 10. EXT. PLAYGROUND IN THE PARK - DAY It's mid-morning on a school day, and the playground is deserted. Holly sits alone on a swing. She has a new hairdo and is wearing the turquoise pants suit Vanessa picked out for her at Lobelle's. She rocks ever so slowly back and forth in time to a song she is singing tunelessly under her breath. HOLLY: "Love makes the world go round, love makes the world go round..." These are the only words she knows, so she sings them over and over as she experiences brief flashes from the recent past: She and MALLOY shopping in the grocery store; him kissing her on the couch; her marooned in the abandoned building with BRENT bending over her; MALLOY climbing the wall. Gradually her singing is drowned out by the sound of BRENT repeating a single sentence over and over: "Malloy is trying to kill you." ROGER (off): What did you say? HOLLY snaps out of her reverie and looks up to see ROGER pushing HART across the playground. ROGER: It sounded like you said-- HOLLY (flustered): I didn't say anything. I was singing. ROGER: Oh, Holly, you couldn't carry a tune in a bucket. When will you ever learn? One musician in the family is enough. An awkward silence as they both remember they're not family any more. HOLLY gropes for a change of subject. HOLLY: Hi, Hart! How are you feeling? HART: (cocks an eyebrow in the equivalent of a shrug). ROGER: He's feeling pretty good today. He spent the night with Laura. And now I'm taking a personal day so we can watch _Entertainment Tonight_ in action. HOLLY: You, playing hooky from Spaulding? ROGER: The stock market won't collapse if I take one day off to stop and smell the roses. Or in this case, the greasepaint. How about you? HOLLY: Oh, I'll be there, don't worry. It's just that...I have a lot of things on my mind. And if I try to think at home, Mom says I'm brooding, and she keeps needling me to tell her what's wrong. ROGER: I see. Positioning HART's wheelchair nearby (where, once again, he follows the conversation closely), ROGER sits on an adjacent swing. They rock in silence for a moment. ROGER: So, Holly. What's wrong? HOLLY (laughing): Oh no you don't! You're not my mother. ROGER: I'm...your ex-husband twice removed. Is it Fletcher? HOLLY (shaking her head): Fletcher and I are...You know those books like _Women Who Love Too Much_ and _Women Who Love Men Who Hate Them_? ROGER (shaking his head): Pop psychology to me is like fairies in the bottom of my garden. All nonsense. HOLLY: You see, the premise of those books is, given a choice between a nice guy and a rat, women will choose the rat every time, because rats aren't boring. Now, if you'll excuse me saying so, I've been married to two... ROGER: Rats? HOLLY: Difficult men and two nice guys. ROGER: Fletcher and St. Ed versus me and the mysterious Mr. Lindsey. HOLLY: And now I've got the same choice again. (Holding out her right hand): Nice guy. (Holding out her left hand): Rat. Well, potential rat, anyway. And what I've discovered is, it doesn't matter which one you choose. You can have just as much trouble with a nice guy as you can with a rat. (Pauses to think about it.) Maybe it's me. ROGER: Hold up a minute. Who's this rat you're talking about? HOLLY: Does it matter? I've got "cheese" written all over me. (Hops up.) Come on, dear rat, shake a leg. We don't want to miss our chance to be on national TV. 11. INT. WSPR TV STUDIO - DAY In addition to the usual Noon News camera operators and crew (now standing idly by), we see the ET CAMERA WOMAN, in baggy slacks and combat boots, who carries a hand-held videocamera marked with the ET logo. Right now she has her camera trained on DAHLIA, in an evening gown, who stands before the blue screen that normally displays the weather map. A MAKEUP MAN is fussing over DAHLIA, touching up her face and fine-tuning her hairdo. MATT, carrying a clipboard, scurries around consulting with his crew and with MALLOY, who sits at the news desk and goes over his copy. All by herself in a corner of the studio, DINAH readjusts her abbreviated pixie suit and does a slow burn. As MATT hurries by, she seizes his arm. DINAH: When is it my turn? MATT (brusquely): After they check the levels. DINAH: But it's almost noon, and I haven't rehearsed yet. MATT: Wing it. He jerks away. DINAH starts to pursues him but stops dead in her tracks when she spots ROGER, coming out of the elevator with HART and HOLLY. DINAH (to herself): Well, if it isn't Vlad the Impaler! That's all I need. She stomps off to an even more obscure corner of the room. Meantime MATT crosses quickly to the newcomers. In the background, we hear DAHLIA singing "My Man" to a prerecorded soundtrack. DAHLIA (off): "It's cost me a lot, but if there's one thing that I've got, it's my man." MATT: Holly! Thank God! I was about to give up on you. I'm going bananas here. HOLLY: What's the plan? MATT: Plan? There's no plan. We're just trying to keep out the way of the ET crew and hope to God they're done prepping in time for us to get the Noon News on. DAHLIA (off): "Cold and wet, tired you bet, but all that I'll soon forget with my man." ROGER: How's our boy doing? MATT: Malloy? Cool as a cucumber. It's your...It's Dinah who's pitching a hissy. ROGER: Ask him to come over. I want Hart to meet him. He's Malloy's biggest fan. HART looks like he wonders where Roger got that idea. As MATT goes to the news desk and points MALLOY in ROGER's direction, DINAH steals closer to the blue screen, watching DAHLIA and jittering with impatience. DAHLIA: "He's not much on looks, he's no hero out of books, but I love him." MALLOY (to ROGER): Hi, boss! (Shaking his hand): Pleasure to see you again. And this must be Hart. (Laying a hand on the arm of the wheelchair): I've heard a lot about you. Nice to finally meet you. HART: (gives MALLOY a level look, and we see a brief flashback to MALLOY and LAURA at the penthouse dining table). ROGER: He's your biggest fan. Never misses a show. HOLLY: Which reminds me.... (Checks her watch.) Are we good to go? MALLOY: I'm ready when they're ready. DAHLIA: "I don't know why I should. He isn't good, he isn't true, he beats me too. What can I do?" DINAH: (hovers near the blue screen, wishing DAHLIA out of her way). MALLOY (indicating DINAH): But the kid hasn't had a chance to rehearse yet. ROGER: Tough. MALLOY (to HOLLY): New hairdo? HOLLY (turning shy): For the party. MALLOY: Oh yeah, the famous engagement party. What time should I pick you up? ROGER: (suddenly gets the picture and looks from MALLOY to HOLLY). HOLLY: I don't know. DAHLIA: "Oh, my man, I love him so. He'll never know. All my life is just despair, but I don't care. When he takes me in his arms, the world is bright, all right." DINAH: (grabs at a passing MATT, who shakes her off again). MALLOY: Shall we say 8:30? HOLLY: Whenever. ROGER: I didn't realize you two were-- HOLLY: Doesn't Dahlia have a beautiful voice? DAHLIA: "What's the difference if I say I'll go away, when I know I'll come back on my knees someday? For whatever my man is, I am his forevermore." As the last notes die, the spectators applaud. DINAH darts toward the screen and hip-bumps DAHLIA out of her way. DAHLIA exits, the ET crew steps aside, and the WSPR crew moves in. DINAH: At last! How much time do I have? MATT: Five minutes. DINAH: Damn! Where's my clicker? MATT hands her the remote. She pushes a button, and, in a monitor, we see the weather map come up on the screen. CLOSE SHOT of the TelePrompTer as the weather script rolls. DINAH (turning on a big smile): Well, hello, Springfield! Isn't this a glorious day! I've been scattering pixie dust all over town, making the leaves just the right shade of gold and putting that whiff of autumn in the air. ET CAMERA WOMAN (to MATT): Who's that? MATT: Our weather girl. ET CAMERA WOMAN: Where's your meteorologist? MATT: Our owner says they're old hat. (Sarcastically): He says *this* is the wave of the future. ET CAMERA WOMAN (intrigued): You don't say! DINAH: Why, just this morning I met... (Squints at the TelePrompTer.) I met Ellie the Elf down by the lake, and we watched the geese fly overhead for hours and hours. ET CAMERA WOMAN: (brings her camera up and starts shooting DINAH). DINAH: And then... (Squints again.) And then Bobbie the Brownie came by, and he showed us where Mr. Squirrel hides his nuts for the winter. MAKEUP MAN: That face! Reminds me of a young Hepburn. ET CAMERA WOMAN (still shooting): Which one? MAKEUP MAN (cheerfully): Bitch! DINAH: I know a lot about nuts. I should. I married one. ROGER: (frowns darkly). HOLLY: (hides a smile). DINAH: Oops! Sorry. What I meant to say was... (Squints.) And after that, Ferdie the Fairy showed me a woolly bear caterpillar. MAKEUP MAN: Ferdie the Fairy. Have we been introduced? DINAH: And you know what color he'd turned? Mr. Woolly Bear, I mean. MALLOY: Who writes this crap? HOLLY: (indicates ROGER, who grins wickedly). DINAH: He'd turned strawberry blond. I swear to goodness. And you know what that means, don't you? ET CAMERA WOMAN: Have you ever seen anything like this? MAKEUP MAN: (shakes his head). DINAH: That means we're going to have a mild winter. The lighter the woolly bear, the milder the winter. MAKEUP MAN: Why are you shooting? ET CAMERA WOMAN: Because I'm in the trend business, hon. Singers are a dime a dozen, but I've got the next big thing in this camera. We see a BIG CLOSE-UP of DINAH on the monitor. DINAH: So all you folks out there in televisionland, you just stick with Nixie the Pixie and her woolly bears. Because the worm has finally turned. 12. INT. JOURNAL NEWSROOM - DAY ELENI, assisted by MARAH, is taking her childcare group on a late-afternoon day trip to the offices of the _Springfield Journal_. She and the children have pinned to their chests purple dinosaurs cut from construction paper and emblazoned with their names in black Magic Marker. LIZZIE, MARINA, PETEY, and SHAYNE are all on hand, along with several OTHER CHILDREN under age six. Also in the newsroom, at various desks, are BEN, BLAKE, REVA, and FLETCHER. CAMERA OPENS on BEN, seated before his computer, with LIZZIE and SHAYNE on either side of him, jostling for position. SHAYNE: My turn. LIZZIE: You had your turn. Now it's my turn. BEN: Kids, please! SHAYNE (tapping keys): Kill, kill, kill! LIZZIE (pushing his hand away and tapping keys herself): Die, die, die! FLETCHER (off): Well, Ben-- BEN looks up to see FLETCHER standing over him. FLETCHER: --is this what you do with the company computers? Kiss kiss, bang bang? BEN: Get over it, Dad. There's no kissing in Doom II. SHAYNE (to LIZZIE): Get away! Get away! I could poison you with poison ivy. LIZZIE: I could zap you with my rocket gun. ELENI (to MARAH): You take Shayne, I'll take Lizzie. Together, MARAH and ELENI take the children's hands and march then away from BEN's computer past REVA's desk. ELENI (to LIZZIE and SHAYNE): Remember what I told you--you can look, but you can't touch. REVA: Can I help? MARAH: No, Mama, we can handle it. MARINA (from across the room): Mommy! Mommy! Petey's got a knife. ELENI: Oh my goodness! I shouldn't have given them cupcakes for snack. ANGLE ON BLAKE as she plucks an X-acto knife from PETEY's hand and thrusts it into her desk drawer. MARINA: You're not supposed to play with knifes, Petey. PETEY: I was just lookin'. MARINA: You were *touching*. FLETCHER (approaching them): Everything okay here? BLAKE: I forgot to childproof my desk. Look, Chief-- FLETCHER: Yes, Scoop? BLAKE: I gotta get outta here. FLETCHER: Very important supermarket opening you forgot you had to cover? BLAKE: These kids are getting on my last nerve. FLETCHER (concerned): I'm sorry, Blake. I wasn't thinking. BLAKE: Oh no, it's not that. This is probably harder on you that it is on me, because you had a chance to get to know your baby. But I did promise to meet somebody. FLETCHER: A source? BLAKE (uncomfortable): Could be. FLETCHER: Okay. Scoot on out of here. Quick, before I change my-- REVA (off): Don't touch that! ANGLE ON REVA as LIZZIE snatches up her camera. LIZZIE: Say "cheese." A flashbulb goes off in REVA's face, temporarily blinding her. As she rubs her eyes, SHAYNE makes a grab for the camera. SHAYNE: Gimme that! LIZZIE: I saw it first. As they wrestle for the camera, REVA, half-blind, lunges at them. The camera flies up in the air and lands with a thud at MARINA's feet. MARINA screams. ELENI, with several desks between her and her daughter, calls out anxiously. ELENI: What is it, sweetheart? MARINA: Mommy, Mommy, they're throwing stuff at me. Just then several of the OTHER CHILDREN, led by PETEY, begin racing in and out of the rows of desks until PETEY runs smack up against CLAIRE, just entering the newsroom. She catches hold of him CLAIRE: And who might you be? PETEY: My mommies say don't speak to strangers. OTHER CHILDREN (chanting): Stranger danger! Stranger danger! PETEY: My mommies say do this. He kicks her in the shin and goes zigzagging among the desks again, followed by the OTHER CHILDREN. CLAIRE doubles over and clutches her leg. FLETCHER joins her. As they talk, we continue to hear chaos and confusion in the newsroom. FLETCHER: Ye cats! What set him off? CLAIRE (rubbing her shin): Children hate me. Ask Michelle. FLETCHER: We're up to our ears here, but I had to see you right away. Because I suddenly realized you and I are the only ones left who knew her. CLAIRE: Her who? FLETCHER (taking a photograph from his breast pocket): Who do you think this is? (Hands it to her.) CLAIRE (frowning over it): Who took this? FLETCHER: Reva. She's our photographer. CLAIRE: Really? Because this is a terrible picture. FLETCHER: It's not her fault. The woman turned away at the last minute. And the more we blew it up, the worse it got. What do you see? CLAIRE: A woman unlocking a door. Who do *you* think it is? FLETCHER: Susan Piper. CLAIRE: You're kidding. Unless Reva took this on the astral plane. Susan Piper is dead. FLETCHER: Maybe. Look closer. CLAIRE: I'm looking, I'm looking. It could be Susan Piper. It could also be Donna Mills, for all I know. What's this door she's unlocking? FLETCHER: Door to her office down the street. Gates of Dawn Reality. CLAIRE (astounded): Well, that tears it. Talk about a clue! FLETCHER: (doesn't get it). CLAIRE: It was the title of the first Pink Floyd album. And before that it was a chapter in _Wind and the Willows_. "Piper at the Gates of Dawn." FLETCHER: Great God Almighty! Okay, Claire. Here's what we're gonna do. CLAIRE: Who is this "we," Kemo Sabe? FLETCHER (handing her a key): You're gonna take this key I borrowed to Eleni's childcare center. It's down at the end of the block right opposite our mystery woman's office. And you're gonna hide inside and watch out the storefront window until you see her. And then you're gonna tell me all about it. CLAIRE: But I don't know how to-- FLETCHER (pushing her out the door): Skulk, Claire, skulk. 13. EXT. FIFTH ST. INTERSECTION - DAY This particular intersection is home to the Childcare Center on the northwest corner, Gates of Dawn Realty on the northeast corner, Harley's P.I. office on the southeast corner, and Blake's apartment building on the southwest corner. There is a white van parked near the realty office. We see CLAIRE come walking along the sidewalk from the northwest, unlock the door to the center, and slip inside. For a moment, nothing happens. Sounds of traffic in the distance, but no cars pass. Then MICHELLE appears, walking along the sidewalk from the northeast. She spots the van, hesitates for the minute, then knocks on the back door, which opens to reveal ZACHARY. MICHELLE (discombobulated): It's you. ZACHARY (at his most devilish): You who? MICHELLE: Zachary. They've all been looking for you for ages. ZACHARY: I've been right here. MICHELLE: They think you kidnapped Lucy. Or she ran away with you. ZACHARY: Were you looking for me, too? MICHELLE: No, I...Well, I wasn't looking for *you* exactly. It's just that...One of the kids at school told me, if I...wanted something, I should look for a white van on the corner of Fifth Street. He said to say Chuckie sent me. ZACHARY: "Chuckie sent me." Music to my ears. (Opening the door wider): Come on in, little lady. Come into my parlor. I have everything you need. MICHELLE hangs back to think it over, then climbs into the van with ZACHARY, who closes the doors behind them. The intersection is quiet again. We see a curtain twitch in the window of the Childcare Center. Then ANNIE comes walking along the sidewalk from the southeast. She carries a manila envelope. ANGLE ON Harley's office as ANNIE knocks. HARLEY comes out. HARLEY: Got 'em already? That was quick. ANNIE: He wasn't trying to hide them. He didn't imagine I'd be snooping through his papers. HARLEY: Come on in. We'll take a look at them. ANNIE: I already looked. There are five different charges for a motel on the outskirts of town. HARLEY: Oh dear. I was hoping we wouldn't find anything. ANNIE: Me too. HARLEY: Well, come on in anyway. We have to decide on our next move. The door closes behind them. The curtain in the window of the Childcare Center twitches again. Then a YOUNG BOY on a skateboard comes whizzing along the sidewalk and barely misses PHILLIP as he approaches from the southwest. PHILLIP (calling after the BOY): Damn it to hell! Watch where you're going. (Muttering): Damn kid could have killed me. ANGLE ON the recessed doorway to the apartment building, where a bank of mailboxes features a buzzer for each apartment. PHILLIP knows just which buzzer to press. BLAKE (off, over the intercom): Yes? PHILLIP: It's me. BLAKE (off): I'm coming. A glass panel in the top half of the doorway reflects PHILLIP's face. He smoothes his hair and straightens his tie. Then BLAKE opens the door. BLAKE: You look like a Fuller Brush salesman. PHILLIP: You look like the hottest thing on two legs. (Pulls her into his arms.) BLAKE: Not here. PHILLIP: Hell with that. Kissing her passionately, he walks her backward into the building. He kicks the door, which bangs shut behind them. No sooner are they out of sight than SUSAN PIPER walks past their building and crosses the street to her office. As she sticks her key in the lock, the door to the Childcare Center opens a crack, and CLAIRE peeps out. POV SHOT shows that the white van partially obscures her view of SUSAN. Suddenly the back door to the van opens, and MICHELLE hops out. SUSAN turns to look at her, and CLAIRE ducks back inside the center. Clutching her purse to her breast, MICHELLE walks quickly out of sight. SUSAN mulls this over, then strides to the van, knocks perfunctorily on the back door, and opens it. SUSAN (peering into the van): I thought it might be you. ZACHARY (off): Welcome to Hell, Susie. She climbs into the van and shuts the door behind her. CLAIRE sneaks out of the center and stands with her back against the door, staring at the van. CLAIRE: It's her. It *is* her. And Michelle. And...I don't get it. What on earth is going on here? 14. INT. CLUB CHUCK - NIGHT It's dinner time, and the club is empty except for the young ARTIST and her GIRLFRIEND, the ones we saw yesterday hanging pictures at the diner. They're sitting on stools at the end of the bar watching MALLOY read the 6 O'clock News on a TV set suspended from the ceiling. Behind the bar, TINA is shifting bottles of beer from cases into refrigerated chests. The buzzer sounds. She presses the button that unlatches the door, and DAHLIA enters. DAHLIA (softly): Hi, Mama. TINA: Hi, baby! I'm so glad to see you! Well, I saw you on the Noon News, but that doesn't count. You were wonderful. DAHLIA: _Entertainment Tonight_ was there, too. TINA: You're going to be on _Entertainment Tonight_? DAHLIA: My record company fixed it. Publicity for the new CD. TINA: And you came here to tell me about it. Do you know how happy that makes me? DAHLIA: No, Mama. (Sits on a stool.) I came here because I have a problem. TINA (fussing with DAHLIA's hair): What kind of problem could you have? Everything's going just great for you. DAHLIA: It wasn't my problem to begin with, but now it is. I'd like to tell you about it because, well, because there's nobody else I can tell who won't just go crazy. TINA: What is it, baby? DAHLIA: It's about a friend of mine from school. Let's call her Mary. She's a real nice girl from a real good family. Only, somebody gave her heroin, and now I'm afraid she's addicted. TINA: There are heroin addicts at Springfield High? DAHLIA: They're everywhere, Mama. It's not just Fifth Street. TINA: You're right about that. Is this Mary a close friend of yours? DAHLIA: A real close friend. There's only a couple of us who figured out her secret. but we're both kids, and we can't decide what to do about it. We can't stand by and do nothing. What should we do, Mama? TINA: I'm not sure yet, but I'll think of something, baby. Don't you worry. 15. EXT. SAILBOAT - NIGHT NOLA and QUINT are sailing along a narrow creek with trees and other greenery pressing in on either side of them. QUINT mans the tiller to steer the boat. NOLA, using a flashlight, is poring over the treasure map. NOLA: Don't worry. We're on the right course. QUINT: I still say we should have turned right instead of left back there. NOLA: I'm looking straight at it. It's left plain as day. Oh Quint, we're almost there. What kind of treasure do you think it's going to be? QUINT: If it is a treasure. NOLA: X marks the spot. Has to be a treasure. And we're almost to it. QUINT: Better be. If these trees get any closer...We're running out of creek. 16. EXT. COUNTRY CLUB PATIO - NIGHT Autumn leaves litter the patio outside the several french doors that lead to the main ballroom, which is brightly lighted. We hear the muffled sounds of dance music and laughter and see the silhouettes of dancing couples through the gauzy curtains. From the left side of the patio comes the sound of wheels on stone. GINGER (off): Come on, Donna. We've almost got it. Give 'er a shove. DONNA (off): I am shoving. GINGER (off): Shove harder. With that, a large tea cart, draped with a tablecloth and holding a gaudily decorated sheet cake, rolls into the frame and skims across the patio, with DONNA and GINGER, both in evening gowns, scrambling after it. They manage to catch it just as it reaches the edge of the steps. GINGER: Not *that* hard. Anything happens to this cake, the Mistress will kill us. DONNA: She didn't see it yet. You sure she's gonna like it? GINGER: What's not to like? CLOSE SHOT of the cake, which features a plastic bride and groom standing at opposite ends of a rainbow bridge made of colored icing. There is also an inscription. GINGER (pointing to the cake): That's Master Alan. And that's Miss Sonni. And this is the bridge to happiness. DONNA: Mistress Alex, she likes them French things. Maybe we shoulda made eclairs. GINGER: Eclairs, shmeclairs! It's cake for engagements. We'll stash it here, then we'll wheel it in for the piece of resistance. Give 'em a big surprise. DONNA: Enough with the cake already. Miss Sonni said we could come to the party and dance with anyone we want to. GINGER: Then I'm dancing with Curly Locks. DONNA: Me too. They hurry off the way they came. GINGER (off): Oh, hi! Can we give you a hand? BRIDGET (off): We're doing fine, thank you. DONNA (off): Well, if you're sure... BRIDGET enters pushing HART in his chair. He's wearing a tux. She has on a funky gown that looks like it came from a thrift store. She pauses near the doors. BRIDGET: How do I look? Pretty cool, huh? HART: (nods and smiles). BRIDGET: And you look like a movie star. No, really, you do. Let's go get 'em. HART: (shakes his head vehemently). BRIDGET: You're not ready to go in yet? HART: (points his head at her, then at the french doors). BRIDGET: You want me to go in without you? HART: (nods). BRIDGET: But what will you do? HART: (points his head at the bushes on the right side of the patio). BRIDGET: It's too hot in there for you, is that it? Too much noise and confusion? HART: (nods). BRIDGET: Okay. If that's what you want, you can stay here, but only for a little while. She wheels him over into the shadow of the bushes. Then, flipping him a wave and a smile, she exits into the ballroom. As the doors close after her, we hear high heels approaching. HART leans back into the shadows. LAURA sashays across the patio, followed by MATT. MATT: Hey, wait up. You're going too fast for me. LAURA: I'll always be too fast for you, darling. MATT: Then why'd you say you'd come with me? Tell the truth. Is there somebody here you're trying to impress? Some old guy? LAURA: If I wanted to impress any of my friends, Matt, I'd bring a Nobel Prize winner in chemistry, not an aging beach boy. MATT: Then I don't get it. Why-- ROSS (off): Oh brother! MATT turns to see ROSS approaching with VANESSA on his arm. ROSS (to VAN): You said if we came to this party, we'd see everybody we've been avoiding. Well, we're off to a roaring start. MATT (gaping): Vanessa. You. Here. With him. 17. EXT. SAILBOAT - NIGHT The boat is now completely hemmed in by shrubbery. NOLA: Are we there yet? QUINT: No. We're here now. At the end of the creek, at the end of the map, at the end of the world. NOLA: No more creek? QUINT: It goes underground. NOLA: Then this must be the place. (Puts on a backpack.) QUINT: What do you think you're doing? NOLA: Getting ready for the next leg of our journey. QUINT: But there's no more creek. The boat can't go any farther. NOLA: We've got feet, don't we? QUINT: But it's pitch dark out here. NOLA: We've got flashlights. QUINT: I vote we wait until dawn. I brought a sleeping bag. NOLA: I'll just bet you did. I vote you put on your pack, and we get cracking. 18. EXT. COUNTRY CLUB PATIO - NIGHT MATT (to VAN): You crack me up. You know that? You act like I'm a total sleazebag,. and now here you are, running around with a married man. VAN (extending her hand to LAURA): I'm Vanessa Chamberlain. MATT: Chamberlain, is it? LAURA (shaking her hand): I'm Laura Jessup. ROSS (helpfully): Hart's mother. LAURA: Among other things. VAN: How do you do? Let's go in, Ross. I'm starting to feel a chill in the air. ROSS and VANESSA exit into the ballroom, where we hear the strains of the macarena. MATT: You know what I used to call her? Contessa. More like the Grand Duchess of Russia. LAURA: Matt, the only thing I'd rather do less than dance the macarena is listen to more war stories about your married life. She marches into the ballroom. He hurries after her. ANGLE ON HART, in the shadows, trying to make sense of things. Then we hear BLAKE singing. BLAKE (off): "Whenever we kiss, I worry and wonder..." Dancing with an imaginary partner, BLAKE comes waltzing across the patio. BLAKE: "You're close to me here, but where is your heart?" (Stops still and curtseys.) Thank you so much for the dance, Your Highness. (In a deeper voice): Thank you, Christina. But I can't help wondering why such a beautiful creature doesn't have a date for the ball. (In her own voice): Well, Your Highness, it's this way-- RICK (coming up behind her): It's what way, Blake? BLAKE (jumping a foot): Oh Rick, you scared the bejeebers out of me. I was just-- (Staring past him): What the hell is that? POV SHOT of AMANDA, looking voluptuous in a daringly low-cut gown. AMANDA: Don't monopolize my date, Blake. BLAKE (to RICK): Your date? (To the world at large): Oh my God, lock up the Dalmatians! Rick Bauer is dating Cruella de Vil. AMANDA: And who did you bring? The Invisible Man? BLAKE: I didn't bring anybody. I'm not here as a woman. I'm here as a reporter. RICK: You're covering Alan's engagement party? BLAKE: Yes. Yes I am. Would you care to comment, Amanda? AMANDA: He'll be sorry. And you can quote me. PHILLIP (off): Well, well. Look who's here. ANGLE ON PHILLIP, arm-in-arm with GILLY. PHILLIP: My sister, my best friend, and A. Spaulding. Don't let her get near your checkbook, kids. She'll put a hit out on you. GILLY: Oh, for pity's sake, Phillip. Give it a rest. (Crossing to BLAKE): You look lovely tonight, Blake. You too, Amanda. AMANDA (snorts): No wonder you're in public relations. BLAKE: Thank you, Gilly. I thought maybe this color was a little... GILLY: It's perfect for you. AMANDA: That's enough girl talk. Let's get inside before those vultures demolish the lobster. AMANDA links arms with GILLY and ushers her into the ballroom. PHILLIP hangs back, but when RICK shows no sign of leaving BLAKE's side, he heads toward the doors. PHILLIP (to RICK): So long, pal. See you inside. (Exits.) BLAKE: Do I really look okay? RICK: Like a fairy tale princess. BLAKE: You're so good for my ego. They move toward the doors. HART stares after them. 19. EXT. RUINED TOWER - NIGHT In the heart of the woods, NOLA and QUINT stand looking up at a crumbling tower, wound around with vines and briers. NOLA: It looks like a ruined castle. QUINT: Probably an old shot tower. NOLA: "Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair." (Pauses.) What's a shot tower? QUINT: They used to make cannon balls by dropping the lead from a great height. NOLA: Cannon balls. Phooey! It's a castle. And there's a treasure in it. QUINT: If so, how are we going to get to it? I see a window high up there, but I don't see a door. NOLA (unslinging her backpack): Then it's a lucky thing I brought our climbing ropes. 20. EXT. COUNTRY CLUB PATIO - NIGHT ANGLE ON the doors as they're flung open and SONNI rushes out. We hear the orchestra playing the Electric Slide. Then SONNI slams the doors behind her and stalks across the patio. SONNI (to herself): First the macarena, now this. Shoot me now. It's bad enough I have to marry a man who's practically old enough to be my father... (Pacing): Why am I doing this? Do I really hate my family so much that I'll go to any lengths to screw them over? (Whirls around and stops cold.) Oh. Hi. I didn't see you standing there. I was talking to myself. (Laughs wildly.) If I don't, who will? Say, don't I know you from someplace? POV SHOT shows ANNIE, giving SONNI a wounded deer look. ANNIE: No. We haven't met yet. I'm Annie Lewis. SONNI: Oh my God! Josh's wife. We have a real convention of Josh's wives here. Reva...I'll bet you know Reva, don't you? She does a mean macarena and a positively killer Electric Slide. (Flinging an arm around ANNIE's shoulder): I say we go get Reva, and I ask the orchestra to play the Hokey Pokey, and the three of us raise some hell. ANNIE (cringing): I don't think-- ALAN enters through the french doors. ALAN: Here you are. I was wondering where you'd got to. Hello, Annie. So nice of you to come. Breaking free of SONNI, ANNIE runs off past the cake and down the steps. ALAN: What did I say? SONNI: God knows. She's one of Josh's wives. We're all mad as hatters. (Cocking her head): What's that I hear? Are they playing the Bunny Hop? Wouldn't want to miss that. ALAN tries to catch her hand, but she eludes him and runs inside, passing HOLLY on her way out. HOLLY's gown is a deep shade of rust, with no fuss and feathers. ALAN: Are you sneaking out on us, too? HOLLY: Oh no, it's a marvelous party. Just a little noisy. I came out to clear my head. ALAN: You have a new hairdo. Very pretty. HOLLY: You think so? I always feel like an impostor in evening dress, like I'm an extra who wandered into Masterpiece Theatre by mistake. Congratulations, by the way. ALAN: Thank you. HOLLY: When's the big day? ALAN: We haven't quite decided yet. We-- A horn blares. ALAN and HOLLY look toward the parking lot. Then we hear high heels clicking on the patio, and their heads swivel in that direction. HART watches closely. ALAN: Oh my God! HOLLY: Oh my goodness! POV SHOT of DIETRICH and HOPE LINDSEY, painfully thin in an exquisite black gown. DIETRICH: Why, look, Hope. It's my ex-wife with your ex-husband. Isn't this a delightful surprise! 21. EXT. RUINED TOWER - NIGHT As NOLA unslings her backpack, QUINT catches hold of the strap. QUINT: Nola, you're my wife, and I love you. I'd go anywhere for you. I'd scale the highest mountain, swim the deepest sea-- NOLA: But you won't climb a dinky old tower. QUINT: Not in the dead of night. Let's go back to the boat and try again in the morning. NOLA: After a good night's sleep. QUINT: If you say so. NOLA: All right, all right. If you insist. You can't ever say I'm not reasonable. They start off into the woods. Then NOLA stops and looks back over her shoulder. NOLA: I wonder what's up there? They exit. CAMERA HOLDS on the tower. A hand places a candle on the window ledge. CAMERA MOVING up and closer to the window. We see the figure of a woman with her back to us, brushing her long hair. CAMERA moving closer. The woman turns. It is LUCY. 22. EXT. COUNTRY CLUB PATIO - NIGHT The patio is empty except for HART, now shivering in his chair. A gust of wind blows dry leaves across the flagstones. Then CLAIRE walks into the frame, in street clothes, distracted, pacing, mumbling to herself. CLAIRE: Skulk, he said. So I skulked. And what did it get me? What was Michelle doing down there? What are Phillip and Blake playing at? Why does Annie need a detective? I wonder is Ed knows anything about it. And how the hell did Susan Piper get out of that lava pit? Well, I'll just find Fletcher, and I'll tell him what I saw, and he can sort it out. (Bumping into the tea table): Holy moley! What an ugly cake! What's it say? (Peering closer): "Alan and Sonni. May they find happiness at the end of the rainbow." Do you ever see anything so-- An unseen hand brings a blunt object down hard on the back of CLAIRE's head. She collapses. Somebody maneuvers the tea cart into place so that the hanging tablecloth completely conceals her body. We hear footsteps moving away. ANGLE ON HART, who is horrified. BRIDGET comes out of the french doors and crosses quickly to him, oblivious to his distress in the dark. BRIDGET: Okay. Enough of playing the lone wolf for one night. We're having a ball in there. All the woman are beautiful, all the men are handsome, and the food is to die for. (Wheeling him toward the doors): Besides, it's getting chilly. You'll catch your death out here. FADE OUT